


clumsy human (always loving loving loving)

by aryelee



Series: The Senpai Collection [4]
Category: Notice Me Senpai! (Video Game)
Genre: Dates, Fluff, Japanese Culture, M/M, Shibazakura Festival, Slow Burn, Text Messages, and it has two parts rip me, god this took so long, the twins are awful i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2018-11-04 00:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10978443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryelee/pseuds/aryelee
Summary: Hajime breaks his toes and Soujiro ends up helping him as best he can. Somewhere between the helping and the healing, they fall in love.Or: a fic that got super long about two dumb bois going on dates before they actually start dating.





	1. how it begins (soujiro)

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this for WEEKS in between finals and APs and death and i still have part 2 to do in Hajimes pov  
> im gonna die rip me
> 
> as always, feel free to ask me to write stuff for your fave senpais and i'll get to it when i can
> 
> also, hover over the japanese and it'll show you the english translations

He wouldn’t say that he’s good friends with Hajime. He was too loud and energetic for someone like Soujiro, who was more quiet and refined. Still, despite how Soujiro holds him at a chilly arms-length, Hajime always smiles and greets him cheerfully. It makes ignoring him hard.

Soujiro still tries though, if only for his own peace of mind.

The only time they really interact with each other is when Hajime needs him to make signs for a taiko show. He’ll complain about using his art gallery worthy skills on _signs_ but he’ll do it anyways when he’s asked. Because despite how loud and excitable Hajime is, he isn’t a bad person; just different from the people Soujiro usually spends his time with.

They’re a little more than acquaintances, but not quite friends. It’s a strange relationship they have, but Soujiro doesn’t mind. It’s simple and isn’t something he has to worry about. With others, there’s always a fear of saying the wrong thing, of not reading the mood correctly, of hurting someone without meaning to. It’s stressful and leaves him drained, but the few close friends he has are too important for him to just drop.

Hajime is easy to be with, though. They aren’t close enough for him to worrying about messing up. They rarely speak beyond favors, but it’s not so bad. Everything is easy during the few hours they spend together making signs or going over homework.

So he didn’t expect to be so worried when he sees Hajime walking to class on crutches. They weren’t really friends, and they didn’t talk much on a daily basis, but Soujiro still froze, mind going to worse case scenarios the moment he saw Hajime.

Soujiro reacts without thought and rushes over to him, crossing the distance between them quickly.

“Are you okay?” he asks, taking Hajime’s school bag from him, “What happened?”

Hajime laughs and ducks his head sheepishly. “I tripped over my bachi while I was practicing and ended up breaking two toes. That’s why I’ve been limping so much these past few days.”

Now that he mentions it, Soujiro remembers seeing Hajime a few times, limping but still smiling and laughing with his friends. He didn’t think much of it and moved on with his day. Now the guilt of not caring hits him and forces him to look away. Hajime had enough problems already; he didn’t need to see Soujiro’s shame.

“Well,” he says to force himself out of his thoughts, “Let me help you get to class.”

He starts to walk, shouldering two bags, but Hajime doesn’t move. Instead, he calls out to Soujiro, saying, “I can make it to class on my own, you know.”

“Perhaps,” Soujiro agrees, “But this will make it easier for you.”

Hajime sighs and hangs his head, but doesn’t argue and starts to move. The sound of the crutches hitting the ground fills the silence between them as they go. The crutches slow Hajime down significantly, but Soujiro finds he doesn’t mind, even if it means he has to slow down as well.

The silence seems to bother Hajime, which isn’t a surprise, so he begins talking about little things: an upcoming movie, a professional taiko group performing next month in a nearby town, the strange things he’s seen in the cafe.

It should bother him, but Soujiro finds the sound of his voice soothing and nice. It’s deep and smooth and reminds him of a river running over stones. So he slows down more until Hajime is walking besides him, eyes bright as he spoke.

“I was doing a new routine, the night I broke my toe, and it involves some dancing and it’s a lot of fun! All the spinning makes me dizzy though, so I had to keep taking breaks.” He laughs and ducks his head, hair falling around his face. He looks up at Soujiro from under his long lashes, and it takes all of Soujiro’s composure to keep from blushing and looking away like a shy school girl.

“It sounds like fun,” he comments, forcing his eyes forwards and away from Hajime’s gaze. “I would like to see it once it’s done.”

Even without looking at Hajime, Soujiro can tell he brightens at the words. The warmth of his smile is a tangible feeling that reminds his of spring days spent under blue skies with bare feet dancing in grass.

 _Perhaps I should do that next,_ Soujiro thinks, _A series of happy moments._

 _笑顔  _ _幸せ __幸福 __陽光 __温かさ      始め_

The last thought hit him like an electric shock. He bites his lip and adjusts the straps of the bags on his shoulders, barely catching a word that came out of Hajime’s mouth. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like he’s looking for a response to his monologue, so Soujiro is safe in his silence.

Simply walking to the shoe lockers took far more time than usual, and Hajime was wiping sweat of his brow from the effort it took to move on crutches.

Without a word, Soujiro takes the crutches from him and helps him sit down, smothering the feeling Hajime’s thankful smile gives him. He turns and heads to his own locker, slipping off his shoes in exchange for the indoor shoes the school provides. His heart beats almost painfully in his chest and he can’t help but wonder what is was about being with Hajime that made him feel so alive.

He puts his outdoor shoes away and shuts the locker gently, then adjusts the straps of the two bags on his shoulder and heads back to Hajime. If they didn’t hurry, they were going to be late to class.

Hajime has already managed to stand up, lifting the crutches onto the concrete floors of the school. Without any prompting, Soujiro falls in line with him, rolling his shoulders back against the weight of their school bags as they head to the nearest elevator to head up to the second floor.

The ride up is almost too fast, and it’s only another minute before they stand in front of Hajime’s classroom. Soujiro finds that he doesn’t want to part yet, but there wasn’t much to keep either of them together before class started. He searches for something to say, something that would keep them from leaving, but comes up frustratingly blank.

He’s gotten used to not being able to translate thought into words, but he’s never hated it so much before.

Hajime offers him a sheepish grin when he takes his bag from Soujiro. The slight wince in his features makes him look apologetic, and his eyes dart to the ground. “Um, sorry for making you carry this up for me,” he says.

“I don’t mind,” Soujiro replies, because he really doesn’t, even though his detached persona may suggest otherwise. He takes a moment to gather up his courage and curls his fingers into tight fists. “I can help you until you’re healed, if you want,” he offers, shifting his weight as he tried to ignore how _awkward_ he felt reaching out to someone.  

For a moment, Hajime gapes at him. Then he’s beaming shyly and ducking his head. “If it’s not any trouble,” he says, “That would be really great. Make all this easier.”

“I’ll come by during lunch then.”

“Right, okay. See you then!” Hajime is almost _vibrating_ with excitement, and nearly drops one of his crutches as he turns to finally go into his classroom. Soujiro watches him go and feels himself soften at the sight of Hajime, usually so strong and balanced, stumble on his crutches and laugh at himself. His classmates start talking to him at once, moving their bags and desks out of his way to help him to his desk.

Knowing they’d take care of Hajime during class, Soujiro turns and walks down the hallway to his own class. He slides open the door and calls out an emotionless, “Good morning,” to the class as he makes his way to his desk.

“You’re late today,” a boy near the door comments.

Class hasn’t started yet, but he’s right. Usually, he’s in his desk twenty minutes before the final bell rings, but walking with Hajime gave him only a few minutes to get to class before the bell. Soujiro can’t help but be surprised that this classmate he’s never spoke to noticed them; he didn’t really think any of his classmates would bother paying attention to him when he’s so cold to them.

“I was helping Hajime,” he explains, shrugging as he stops to talk to his classmate.

"With...?"

“Just getting to class.”

His classmate frowns and tilts his head as he looks up at Soujiro. “Why would he need help with that?”

“He broke his toes.”

The entire classroom seems to have tuned in to their conversation, and their all clamoring over each other to know more. Soujiro huffs at the sudden attention; he just wants to get to his desk.

Sighing, he decides to head to his desk anyways, regardless of whether it made he seem rude or not. The unexpected conversation made him surprisingly tired. His classmates were still talking to each other loudly, occasionally leaning towards him to ask something, but they understood when he didn’t want to talk anymore.

He rests his head on his hand and closes his eyes, meditating to block out the noise.

Thankfully, class starts a few minutes later and everyone quiets down immediately. All talk about Hajime’s injury is lost beneath the greatest poems written throughout Japan’s history, and Soujiro can finally focus.

 

* * *

 

Soujiro sighs, relieved, when class ends for lunch and drops his pencil to shake out the soreness of his hand. Six pages of notes written, and who knows how many more for the last of his classes after lunch. At least the topics they’re covering are somewhat interesting.

He puts his pencil away first, tucking it inside a simple bamboo pencil case, and puts it into his desk. The few handouts and homework the teacher passed out go into separate folders and are placed into his school bag. His notebook is the last to be put away into his desk, and when he’s done with all that, Soujiro wipes his desk clean of any eraser shavings. This, he’s found, it the most efficient clean up routine he’s found in all his years of school.

Hinata and Sousuke are always saying he’s too organized and sticks to closely with routine, but they also thought jumping from the roofs of buildings was a good shortcut to school, so he tended to ignore what they said. Even if a part of him agreed, he’d never admit it.

Routine was easy. Everything had a place and there were no surprises to worry about. And sure, maybe he’s wanted a change in routine, but there was never a reason to actually change things.

Hajime, though, is all the reason he needs to start.

Soujiro takes his bento and leaves the classroom, just like any other day. The only difference is that he’s spending lunch with Hajime, not the twins.

 _They’re never going to stop bugging me about this,_ he realizes, but they’re always bugging him about something, so it’s no change from any other day.

He quietly enters Hajime’s classroom with a polite greeting, and goes to where Hajime is waving him over with large movements. The two boys standing besides Hajime wave as they dart off into the hallways with quick feet and bright smiles. Soujiro takes a seat at the desk in front of Hajime’s and turns around in the chair to look at him.

There’s a strange expression on his face: a smile that’s too tense to be genuine, something dark and almost _sad_ in his eyes. Soujiro frowns as he looks over Hajime, who stares at the empty doorway the two boys left from. Something aches in Soujiro, and for a moment it’s as though he can feel what Hajime feels. It’s a heavy weight on his chest that is far too familiar.

This, he knew, was not a side of Hajime he had ever seen before. This was not something he knew how to deal with. So Soujiro looks away and places his bento on Hajime’s desk, grabbing his attention.

Hajime’s smile turns into something a little more real, and Soujiro takes a moment to let the feeling of relief flood through him.

“Where’s your lunch?” Soujiro asks, just to force himself to think about something other than the hollow look in Hajime’s eyes. He takes his own bento out of the cloth it was wrapped in and intends to start eating when Hajime leans onto his desk, head resting against a hand, and offers Soujiro an embarrassed smile.

“Usually I buy my lunch downstairs, but with my broken toes I was gonna bring bento, but I forgot to do that today so I don’t have any lunch.”

Soujiro takes a moment to stare at Hajime with a neutral look of judgement, one he’s mastered after spending years with the twins. Hajime slumps against the desk a little more and looks up at him wide puppy dog eyes.

There’s no way Soujiro is _ever_ going to resist Hajime’s puppy dog eyes.

This was not a weakness he expected to have.

He sighs as he stands. “I’ll buy you lunch today,” he says, about to walk back to his classroom to get some money from his bag when Hajime grabs his arm. He lets go quickly when Soujiro turns around, and holds out a wallet.

“You don’t have to, but if you are going to buy me something do it with my money.”

Soujiro accepts the wallet and nods. “Is there anything in particular that you want?” he asks.

Hajime shakes his head. “No, anything’s fine! It’s enough that you’re going to get me something to eat.”

“I don’t mind,” Soujiro shrugs, but doesn’t push for a more solid answer and walks out of the classroom. He navigates his way through the hallways and heads downstairs to where the student store sets up everyday to sell food. It’s always busy, and Soujiro finds himself annoyed by having to push through the crowd of students to grab a few items.

Most of what the student store sold was bread and sandwiches, and he entertains the idea of swinging by the cafe just to have more options, but it would take most of the lunch period to go there and back. He grabs a few things at random, things that look good that anyone would like, and hands one of the students manning the store some money.

He holds the curry bread, tuna-mayo onigiri, fruit sandwich, and wallet close to his chest as he pushes his way through the crowd to head back up to the classroom. A few elbows stray a little too close and risk crushing some of the food, but Soujiro manages to get by without anything being ruined.

When he gets back to the classroom, Hajime sits alone with his eyes closed, drumming his fingers against the desk. There’s a look of concentration on his face as he taps out a beat. Soujiro approaches as quietly as he can, watching as Hajime pauses, shakes his head, and starts over again.

Soujiro drops the food onto the desk just to see Hajime jump.

He’ll admit it: he can be a little shit sometimes. But seeing Hajime’s startled reaction makes him chuckle and bite down a louder laugh as he sits down. “Sorry,” he says, just for appearances sake, “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Hajime shakes his head and, with a voice slightly high in surprise, says, “It’s my fault for zoning out.” He looks down at the plastic wrapped food on his desk and picks up the onigiri. “Thanks for getting me lunch.”

They stare at each other for a second too long, and Hajime awkwardly coughs and looks away as he opens the packaging. Soujiro fixes his eyes on his bento and tries to force away the sudden wave of nervous energy that makes him want to bounce his leg.

They eat quickly, focusing on their food rather than each other. It’s a strange sort of silence that they’re in; both a comfortable quiet and one filled with uncertainty. He resists the urge to look up at Hajime. He splits the umeboshi in his bento in half and mixes it with his rice. The feeling of being watched almost makes him to embarrassed to eat.

Hinata sends him a LINE message a minute after they both finish eating and Soujiro’s throw away all their trash. The sound of the notification breaks the silence between them and Soujiro is able to think of something other than bad conversation starters.

 _Just this once,_ he thinks as he pulls up the message, _I’m grateful that you sent me eight messages, Hinata._

 

>Hinata: WHERE ARE YOU

>Hinata: YOUVE ABANDONED ME TO SOUSUKE

>Hinata: HOW DARE YOU

>Hinata: seriously though, where are you.

>Hinata: i need your help with some homework

>Hinata: and i would have been done by now if SOMEONE had shown up

>Hinata: did you die or something

>Hinata: if you did let me know in advance so i can play dramatic songs at your funeral

 

>Soujiro: Why would I ever let you plan my funeral??

>Soujiro: You should have told me you needed help earlier.

 

>Hinata: YOURE ALIVE

>Hinata: where have you been then

 

>Soujiro: I had lunch with Hajime.

 

>Hinata: HAVE YOU FOUND LOVE

 

>Soujiro: No??

>Soujiro: He broke his toes so I’m helping him. I had to buy him lunch since he forgot to bring his.

 

>Hinata: oh okay. come help me now if he doesn’t need you around

 

“I need to go help Hinata with some homework, did you need help with anything else?” he asks as he stands.

Hajime smiles and shakes his head. “Nah, I’ll be fine. Thanks though. For buying me lunch.”

“It was nothing,” Soujiro shrugs. “I’ll come by once school is over.”

Hajime nods and waves to him as he leaves. Soujiro can’t help but look back once, just a quick glance over his shoulder, and sees Hajime sigh and rest his head in his hand as he turned to look out the windows. The energy he always seems full of has dissipated; what’s left is still and hollow and bathed in sunlight.

The sight makes him hesitate for a moment, then he’s walking away, letting Hinata’s messages distract him.

When he’s in class later, there’s a lull in activity as the lesson ends early, and all Soujiro can think of is the unnatural stillness that froze Hajime in place with his ever present smile vanished. People like him were not meant to be turned hard and composed as statues; that role belongs to Soujiro and every other person who was raised to be an object of pride.

No, people like him were meant to glow and breathe out sunlight. People like him were meant to live.

Hajime was never meant to be encased in stone.

 

* * *

 

 

They become friends on LINE Friday before they go their separate ways after school. Soujiro didn’t expect this; their relationship was one that only existed inside the walls of the school. This broke past that. This bled into his everyday life.

He didn’t mind.

He didn’t feel so distant anymore. Hajime had anchored him to reality. Identical days that once flowed together into a blurry, barely remembered routine were suddenly individual days he could recall with clarity.

He didn’t feel like much of a statue these days. With Hajime, Soujiro feels weightless and free, feels connected, feels _whole._

Soujiro doesn’t let himself spend ten minutes worrying about what to say. He sends Hajime a sticker of a puppy waving. Not a minute later, Hajime replies with a sticker of a smiling onion.

It’s a nice day out. The flowers bloom brightly in the late spring sunshine, and the skies are a light blue barely touched by clouds. The slightly breeze in the air makes the leaves shake in the trees and sends cherry blossom petals raining down onto the pavement. Soujiro pockets his phone and adjusts the strap of his school bag. Rather than head straight home, he decides to take a longer route just to enjoy the calm.

The streets he walks down are small and empty. When he looks up beyond the houses, he can see Mount Kaikoma standing tall against the horizon.

As he gazes at it, he turns each line of the mountain into a brushstroke, a steady line of ink against a pale background. He fixes the picture in his mind (shadows and branches and clouds) and heads home, already drawing it in his mind.

When he comes to a stop at the crosswalk just a few streets away from his house, he pulls out his ponytail and shakes his head to loosen his hair. He slips the hairband onto his wrist and tilts his head up into the sunlight filtering through the leaves above him. A wave of contentment washes through him and he takes a deep breath, letting the spring air fill him completely.

The musical beeping of the signal draws back Soujiro’s attention. He pushes his bangs out of his face and crosses the street quickly, walking a little faster to keep the image of Mount Kaikoma fresh in his mind.

He slips off his shoes at the entry and calls out a distracted greeting. He doesn’t listen for a reply and instead bounds upstairs to his art room. There, Soujiro dumps his school bag onto the floor without a second thought and shrugs out of his blazer, eyes already picking out the items he would need.

Within a minute, he’s got his shitajiki spread on the table and has gently placed the hanshi paper on it, holding down one corner with bunchin. The other materials are dumped on the remaining empty space on the table without much care, and Soujiro kneels down and gets to work.

He spends the first few minutes making the ink, rubbing the sumi with water and letting the ink it makes drip into the bowl. He does have instant ink, of course, but this piece feels like something that requires the full process. This piece needs tradition, something that is centuries older than him. It only seemed natural that he treat his piece of Mount Kaikoma with the proper respect. The mountain has been standing proud since long before the unification of Japan; the thought itself leaves Soujiro in awe (the thought of existing so long and never crumpling under the heavy weight of existence seems incomprehensible. Even grand empires fall to the passage of time.)

Soujiro always thought that this was why his work was gazed upon with awe; he captures the feeling of being temporary, insignificant, yet timeless and giant. Even simple kanji carried the emotions he felt when he had painted it. It was that, and the inclusion of pressed flowers.

He tried to explain once to the twins. Hinata had an existential crisis and Sousuke immediately lied face down on the floor.

It helps with his work though, so he can’t really complain, even if he feels like the twins sometimes, and lies awake at night wondering if there was any reason he existed. Mount Kaikoma, though, exists because it exists and has become the house to make shrines and temples.

Each stroke of his brush puts everything he’s feeling into the paper. Slowly, the painting comes to life. Dark, strong lines make the mountain’s outline, and soft, watery gray creates a sky. Thinner, softer dark strokes make fluffy clouds and paper thin lines reaching inwards from the sides of the paper become branches. Soujiro adds dots and circular strokes for little blossoms.  Smaller, barely there lines add all the little details. He dips his brush into the ink gently, barely getting any ink, and presses it against the paper within the mountains outlines. He moves it in small movements, slowly spreading the soft gray ink along the inside of the mountain, tying the painting together.

It’s one of his better ones, where the ink only runs where he wants it to, and it matches the image in his mind almost perfectly. Soujiro looks over it with a sharp eye, nit-picking for little mistakes he might be able to fix. Of the few that are there, they aren’t noticeable enough to be fixed. Satisfied, he leans back against his heels and sets his brush down.

Mount Kaikoma stares back at him from the top of the table; the dark lines and the lighter ones, the thick and thin trails of the brush, the gentle watercolor-esque quality of the sky and mountain, everything about it feels _alive._

The door slides open. Sousuke pokes his head in and brightens when he sees that Soujiro is looking back, not hyperfocused on his work.

“Oh good, you’re done,” he says, “Come help us with homework.”

Soujiro sighs and stretches his arms above his head. “What is it?”

“Math.”

He makes a face. _“Ugh.”_

Sousuke laughs and says, “Come on, you’ve done it before. Besides, it’s only a few problems. Then we can do our literature homework.”

He leaves before Soujiro can reply and slides the door shut, giving him no time to argue, though he knew it would be useless. The twins were more like younger brothers than cousins and he’d spent so much time caring for them that even if they didn’t ask, he would still go help them. They also knew this and used it at any possible opportunity. But, as awful as the twins were, he couldn’t have asked for a better family.

Besides, finishing his homework would help the time pass faster. It was better than checking every few seconds to see if the ink dried. So he pushes himself up and stretches one more time before grabbing his schoolbag from where he tossed it onto the floor, and heads downstairs to the twins.

 

* * *

 

He gets a LINE message from Hajime late that night, when he’s sprawled over the covers of his bed, head hanging off the edge, scrolling through Twitter mindlessly. The notification doesn’t have any words, so he clicks it to see what Hajime’s sent. It takes a second to load, and then Soujiro’s sitting up, grinning at the video of a small white dog.

Actually, it was more like 80% fur and 20% dog, but it was cute anyways. The dog spins around a few times, looking towards the camera expectantly. Hajime laughs a bit, the sound slightly distorted through the phone. A treat is tossed to the dog, who tries to snatch it out of the air, misses, then scrambles to get it from the floor. It’s _adorable._

 

>Soujiro: aaaaaah!

>Soujiro: cute dog!!!

 

>Hajime: her name’s mochi!

 

>Soujiro: aaaaaaaaah! cute name!!

 

.>Hajime: lmao this is the first time i’ve seen u act like this

 

>Soujiro: it’s a cute dog why wouldn’t I act like this

 

>Hajime: good point ^^

>Hajime: isn’t she the cutest tho

>Hajime: she always spins before she gets a treat bc she’s so excited

 

>Soujiro: that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen

 

>Hajime: i know :)

>Hajime: do u have any pets?

 

>Soujiro: Just the twins.

 

>Hajime: so rude to your own fam

 

>Soujiro: I wouldn’t have to be if they didn’t steal my food or my paintings

 

>Hajime: fight them

>Hajime: also paintings?? i thought you only did calligraphy

 

>Soujiro: Mainly yeah, but I like to paint too

 

>Hajime: !!!!

>Hajime: can i see one??

 

Soujiro bites his lip and thinks for a moment. He’s submitted his work to contests and galleries before, and is praised as one of the best calligraphers of his generation, yet somehow the thought of showing Hajime makes his stomach twist with nerves. He’s nervous of what he’ll think; he’s never really showed any of his work to his friends unless they went to a gallery. Still, he doesn’t want to say _no_ so…

Soujiro lets himself roll off the bed and hits the floor with a small “Ow”, then walks on his knees to the table where his painting of Mount Kaikoma still lay. He holds up his phone, lets the camera focus of a moment, then snaps a photo and sends it to Hajime before he can change his mind.

The next minute spent waiting for a reply makes him want to scream, but he settles for falling onto his bed and burying his face into his pillow. His phone vibrates in his hand.

_Hajime replied._

He shoots up and opens the chat room, one hand gripping and twisting the sheets.

 

>Hajime: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>Hajime: THATS SO GOOD!!!

>Hajime: LIKE PROFESSIONAL GOOD

>Hajime: HOW CAN U BE SO TALENTED ITS NOT FAIR

 

>Soujiro: You’re just as talented? Aren’t taiko groups already trying to get you to join them??

 

>Hajime: well yeah but that’s bc of practice. yours is just skill

 

>Soujiro: No? I’m only this good because of practice too.

 

>Hajime: LIES

>Hajime: im gonna go to sleep before you can deny it and also bc i have to get up early

>Hajime: good night!!

 

>Soujiro: …

>Soujiro: Good night

 

The phone fell from his hands. Soujiro presses his hands to his cheeks, trying to stop grinning to no avail. Hajime seemed to have that effect on him; the feeling of being lit up from the inside, of being wrapped in warmth, of being cared for.

Soujiro could only hope that Hajime would stay by him even when he was healed and didn’t need him anymore. For now, though, he’s happy. He’s never had such a close friend before.

 

* * *

 

The Fuji Shibazakura festival is coming up. It starts on Tuesday and is planned to go until the end of May. Soujiro finds himself almost constantly glancing at Hajime, wondering if he could ask him to accompany him to the festival. Was it too much? Maybe they didn’t know each other well enough for those kinds of things. Even if he did ask, Hajime might refuse. Then what?

Anxiety twists his words in his throat and chokes him everytime he tries to bring it up. It gets to the point where he asks the _twins_ for help.

Hinata grins. “Woo him first. He can’t say no _then_.”

Sousuke hits him and pushes him away from Soujiro. “If talking to him in person makes you nervous, maybe ask over LINE?” He looks thoughtful for a moment, then suggests, “Maybe just bring up the festival. Hajime might ask you out instead!”

“That might work,” Soujiro admits, thinking it over.

The twins share a glance and grin in sync. “And if it works out, then you’ll owe us!” They say gleefully. “I expect ice cream, movie tickets, a few new targets and arrows,” Sousuke begins listing at the same time Hinata says, “I’ve had my eye on this tea set for a while, and there’s a few new teas coming out that I wanted to try, and I also found this tea mat that has _dragons_ on it--”

“I don’t know why I bother coming to you two for help,” Soujiro deadpans, a familiar look of suffering on his face.

Of course, he immediately runs into Hajime after that conversation. Or rather, he barrels into Hajime in his attempt to escape the unused classroom. Hajime only has time to make a sound of startled confusion before Soujiro grabs his wrist and pulls him along as he speed-walks away. He doesn’t try to pull away, just goes along with it and laughs, as he does with most things.

Eventually, Hajime gently pulls them to a stop alongside the stairs, a little breathless but smiling nonetheless.

“So,” he starts, reaching a hand up to push his hair back, “Is there a reason why we’re running away and hiding? Or did you just wanna drag me off so you could have me all to yourself?” It’s said jokingly, but Soujiro still catches fire over the comment, and lets go of Hajime to bring his hands up to hide his face as he stammers through unfinished denials.

He laughs at Soujiro’s reaction, but holds his hands up in apology and says, “Sorry, that was a little inappropriate wasn’t it?”

“Just a little,” Soujiro mumbles, but lifts his face from his hands and tries to ignore how flushes he feels.

“My bad.” Hajime rubs the back of his neck, looking away from Soujiro sheepishly. “But really,” he continues, “What was all that about?”

Soujiro makes a face. “The twins,” he answers, “They were starting to blackmail me to I left before they could actually get anything out of it.”

“Blackmail you? For what?”

“Asking for advice.”

Hajime looks appropriately shocked. “You asked the twins for advice?”

“I know, I’m just as surprised as you,” Soujiro says drily, looking as though he just sucked on a lemon. “But they were getting ridiculous, so I had to escape and ended up running into you--” He cuts himself off suddenly, horrified. “Your foot! I completely forgot I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

Hajime smiles, and Soujiro looks him over. “Where are your crutches, for that matter.”

“I was looking for you so I could tell you! I can use a boot now, instead of crutches!” he announces proudly.

Soujiro blinks at him for a moment as he processes the words and what they mean, then breaks out into a bright smile. “You’re getting better!” he all but yells. Hajime nods, bouncing up and down a little when his excitement became too much to contain.

“I can mostly walk again!” he exclaims gleefully, grinning brightly.

“Congrats! How much longer do you have until you’re completely healed?”

Hajime shrugs. “Maybe two more weeks? It’ll come quick though, and then I’ll be back to practicing!”

The school bell rings suddenly, making them both jump at the shrill noise. Footsteps begin to clamour up the stairs and down the hallways, blending together into familiar background noise. Soujiro looks up at Hajime from under his eyelashes, and startles at how close they are. He swallows heavily, looks away, and steps back before fixing a smile on his face.

“I’ll see you are lunch then,” he says, then spins on his heel to make his second retreat of the day.

He presses the back of his hand against his mouth, eyes wide, as he tries to fight the flush that stains his cheeks red. His heart thuds almost painfully against his chest, demanding all his attention. _This_ was new. But there was no questioning what it was.

Only denying, but he doesn’t like running from things, so it’s not really an option.

But. This is scarily new. Soujiro’s never felt this way about someone before, all warmth and softness like the goose down pillows. Every moment with Hajime is an introduction to a new spectrum of emotion Soujiro never knew existed, could never fathom experiencing. It’s the best he’s ever felt, but also the most terrifying.

He keeps his head down as he enters his classroom, mumbling a greeting, then rushing to his desk so he can bang his head against it.

Hajime had been _so close_ and he looked like a painting, all perfect colors and lines that made his body and no flaws, smiling so bright it seemed he swallowed a sun, staring at him with bright eyes that radiated happiness, and-

Everything about him was overwhelming in the best way possible.

 _A series,_ Soujiro thinks, _about the new and bright and the perfect._ (This is how he’s always organized his thoughts when life gave him something new, be it good or bad).

                大すき     恋     愛     艶     慈愛

His thoughts fracture under the weight of all he feels. There’s a smile pulling the corners of his lips up, and he can’t find the strength to stop and adopt his usual emotionless expression. Something in his heart flutters and flies free.

                始め     始め     始め     始め     始め

Class starts, but Hajime’s name takes up every space in his mind and that’s when Soujiro knows truly and wholeheartedly how utterly gone he is for his closest friend.

He takes notes, but can’t process any of the words he sees. The teacher’s voice barely reaches him through the cotton soft haze Hajime’s put him in. As classes drag on, Soujiro finds himself staring out the window and watching the sunlight fall onto his desk.

The twins were going to see what a lovestruck fool he makes and milk it for all its worth.

The worst part about it was that they would be _right_.

Soujiro sighs because now he has to get more blackmail material from them to even the playing the field. And while there’s a lot he can find about them, it took too much effort for him to actually want to do it.

The risk of detention is the only thing that keeps him from banging his head onto the desk again.

By the time lunch rolls around, Soujiro is about ready to jump out the window to avoid dealing with these _feelings_ because it’s too much. But. He promised Hajime to eat lunch with him, so he grabs his bento and goes to his now customary seat in Hajime’s classroom.

 _At least I can suffer with food,_ he thinks as he dodges energetic students who run down the hallways.

Hajime immediately looks up from his phone when Soujiro slides the classroom door open. He brightens, completely perks up and smiles. Soujiro bows before entering the classroom, muttering a small “Excuse me” and keeps his gaze to the floor as he heads towards Hajime, just so that smile doesn’t send him to the ground with weak knees.

Somehow, he manages to collapse into the seat with enough grace that it didn’t actually look like he was collapsing.

Hajime greets him cheerfully as Soujiro unpacks his bento. Hajime’s own lunch remained unopened on his desk as his eyes dart across his phone screen.

“Find something interesting?” Soujiro asks around the dryness in his throat and too-fast heartbeat, biting into some of the tonkatsu he packed. Hajime starts a bit, and hums an answer that doesn’t really answer much at all.

Soujiro doesn’t comment on his non-answer. If he wants to talk, he will. The thing that’s bothering Soujiro the most, though, is the fact that Hajime isn’t eating anything and they only have a limited time to eat.

He pushes Hajime’ bento closer to him. "Eat," he says, commanding, when the movement catches Hajime’s attention and makes him look up from his phone. "You can look at it later, but you can’t eat during class."

"Ah, right," Hajime says sheepishly, placing his phone face down on the desk. He opens his bento and grabs his chopsticks to start mixing the umeboshi with the rice. His focus seems to be on his food, but Soujiro’s become apt at reading in-between the lines of Hajime’s silence. There’s something on his mind, Soujiro’s sure, that he can see in the nervous movement of his finger tapping the side of the desk and how he shifts his shoulders like his body doesn’t fit him right.

Soujiro can understand the message in Hajime’s movements, but he’s never sure if he should act on his knowledge. It would be so easy to mess up, and Soujiro’s always been a little scared to take risks like these.

He remains silent, and eats his tamagoyaki.

It’s halfway through lunch, and a thousand timid glances at each other, when Hajime finally speaks, closing his bento and pushing it away from himself.

“So,” he starts, “There’s this thing.”

Soujiro raises an eyebrow. “A thing?”

“Yeah, a thing.”

"What kind of thing?" he asks, watching the way Hajime carefully avoids looking him in the eye.

Hajime is quiet for a few heartbeats, thinking of how to get the words out right. "A nearby thing I want to go to," he says carefully.

There isn’t really any way to respond beyond asking what the _thing_ is again, but Hajime cuts him off before he can open his mouth and says, "I want to go with you.”

His heart stutters almost painfully in his chest.

"I’m sure I’d want to go with you too, but I still don’t know what you’re talking about?”

Hajime laughs and leans back in his seat. "Ah, right. Um. Go to the Fuji Shibazakura with me?"

Soujiro chokes. Hajime spends the next minute waving his hands around in worry as Soujiro coughs to clear his throat enough to speak.

When he’s finally able to stop choking, Soujiro bites down on his lip to hold back a giddy smile. To think that Hajime was thinking the same as he, wondering about spending more time together -- Soujiro can feel hope soar high in his chest until he feels almost weightless.

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak, but the near frantic look of shock and panic on Hajime’s face makes him laugh.

“Are--” Hajime hesitates as he speaks. “Are you okay? Do you need me to get help or something?”

 “I’m fine--” Soujiro lets another peal of laughter through, then composes himself enough to say, “It’s just -- I was going to ask you the same thing later.”

“Oh!” Hajime’s startled laughter and eyes wide with pleasant surprise hold something soft in them and, for a moment, the sunlight seems a little brighter around him.

“So is that a yes?”

“That’s a yes. I’d love to go to the Fuji Shibazakura with you, Hajime.”

The rest of lunch passes with casual conversations and jokes as Soujiro barely holds it together, though his internal screaming has reached an all time high. Hajime sees him off with a small wave and a smile when the bell rings, and Soujiro does him best to make sure it doesn’t seem like he’s running away when he walks back to his own classroom.

As students return from their lunches and the teacher prepares for class, Soujiro takes the time to send the twins a message in their group chat.

 

>Soujiro: !!!!!!!!!!!

>Soujiro: I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK

 

>Hinata: omg???

 

>Sousuke: what happened?? Why are you yelling

 

>Soujiro: I think I have a date?

 

>Hinata: AH

>Hinata: YOU ASKED

 

>Soujiro: No he asked me??

 

>Sousuke: that’s gay

>Sousuke: congrats

 

>Hinata: be responsible! make sure u have protection!

 

>Soujiro: Why are you two the actual worst

   

The teacher claps his hands together to start class, and Soujiro turns his phone off and smoothly slides it into his school bag, hoping the flush on his face wasn’t too noticeable. As he starts the cycle of desperately trying to focus and not think of Hajime, he takes a moment to wonder where Victor-sensei was. He was walking through the halls in the morning when Soujiro first arrived.

He could only hope he wasn’t causing trouble with Kyouya-sensei again. The door to that class still wasn’t fixed. Not even Hajime was able to help.

And his thoughts spiral back to _Hajime Hajime Hajime --_

 

* * *

 

They decide to go to the Fuji Shibazakura during Easter holiday so they didn’t have to worry about school, and to avoid the worst of the crowds that prefered weekends. The plans were set, and the surety of it all left a pit deep in his stomach, a twisting mess of anxiety and anticipation.

The days were going by too fast.

The days were going by too slow.

Soujiro is sure he’s going to die with the waiting and the wishing for _just a little more time to prepare, please._

The twins, being the awful people they are, even created a countdown to Easter holiday that makes him even _more_ anxious.

At any given moment, there are a thousand what if’s running through his mind -- worst case scenarios and possibilities he wants to be reality.  

He is, as Sousuke said, _a gay disaster._

Still, he holds that close to his chest, trapped beneath the bones of his ribs in fear of Hajime finding out and leaving him. He hides what he feels as best he can and gets through each school day with a forced normal that leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

It’s hard not to be scared; no one has ever made him feel like this, feel his heart jump in his chest with each smile and laugh, feels the world narrow down to just the two of them when Hajime leans closer to speak, feel a sweet twist of happiness and apprehension in his gut. Hajime is the only one who’s ever given him such a mixed jumble of emotions and Soujiro doesn’t know how to deal with it.

But Soujiro has come to appreciate all the things Hajime’s made him feel. In the dead of night, right before he drifts off into sleep, sometimes he entertains the idea that he makes Hajime feel the same way.

 _Such a thing is too good to be anything but a dream,_ Soujiro thinks as the world around him disappears into sleep.

It’s such a sweet dream, though, that Soujiro can’t help but think of it often, growing addicted to hoping.

Even with the countdown and constant preparing, Easter holiday hits him suddenly and he’s waiting to meet Hajime at the train station early in the morning to miss the first big crowd of the day. The sun barely peeks over the horizon, and everything is still half-asleep under the pale blue sky and the morning dew.

It’s serene and easily one of the most beautiful mornings he’s ever seen, but it’s too early to properly appreciate it when sleep keeps tugging his eyes shut and makes him stumble at he enters the quiet, near empty station. It’s strange and a little unnerving to see a place usually so full of activity so still and silent. He’s grateful for it though; he’s not a morning person and general grumpy when woken up early. Having to deal with crowds so early would have him wishing for a quick death.

He takes a moment to look at the map of train routes, eyes darting across the names to find the right one. Unlike many others, Soujiro didn’t have a year round ticket pass on his phone since he lived close enough to the school to walk, so he has to buy the ticket from the machine everytime he wants to go out of town. It’s not bad, but he’s so tired even the simplest tasks feel daunting and eternal.

It’s only barely past 5:10 when he gets to the platform, so he settles down on a bench, bag at his feet, to wait for Hajime to arrive.

Soujiro manages to not fall asleep as he waits, pulling his balzer tighter around him against the chill in the early morning. Hajime arrives ten minutes later, out of breath and looking apologetic when he reaches Soujiro.

“Sorry!” he says in between gasps for air, “Getting here took longer than I thought.” He collapses onto the bench next to Soujiro, tossing his bag to the ground with little care. “Ready for this?”

“Of course,” Soujiro smiles, shifting a little against the cold.

Hajime notices and pulls off his coat, throwing it around Soujiro’s shoulders despite his protests.

“What, no, take it back, you’ll be cold--” Soujiro starts, but Hajime cuts him off.

“Listen,” he says, “I just ran here. I don’t need the jacket. It’ll only make me more hot. Right now I want to freeze so let me do that while you stay warm.”

Soujiro pouts. “You can still get cold.”

“You’re colder right now, so the jacket stays on you.”

He doesn’t really want to argue, already leaning into the jackets warmth and drawing it around himself, despite how it dwarfs him, but he still feels bad about taking the coat. Even if Hajime voluntarily gave it to him.

They sit in comfortable silence for the next few minutes, both leaning back against the bench, barely able to keep each other from nodding off, when their train arrives. The noise echoes through the empty station, startling them both into awareness. Then they’re pulling each other up and grabbing their bags, going to the yellow line at the edge of the platform to wait for the train to stop.

When they get on, every train car in empty and quiet and the barely-there sunlight makes everything glow. It feels unreal, almost dream-like, reminding Soujiro of every daydream he’s had about this trip (and about Hajime, but that’s a given).

They stretch out onto the seat and turn to stare out the windows, pointing out everything that catches their attention as they leave their small town of Hokuto for Kofu.

The ride only lasts half an hour before they get off at Kofu and head for the bus terminals, which would take them to Fuji.

The world starts to come alive by then, people in business suits and everyday clothing bumping past each other as they hurry to their destinations. Hajime grabs Soujiro’s wrist once they get off and pulls him along to weave through the small crowds. They stumble to the bus terminals with breathless laughter, bags bumping against them as they joined the queue for tickets. Already people were lining up for tickets to Fuji. Soujiro couldn’t help but make a face and hope that the Shibazakura wasn’t too crowded.

They barely manage to buy their tickets before they have to run outside and find the right bus before it took off. With only two minutes to spare, they make into onto the bus, which only has a few seats open. They get lucky and find two side-by-side  and take them before anyone else can.

Once the bus starts moving, they share a grin, a growing feel of excitement making them restless.

It’s a two hour ride to the base of Fuji, where they’ll have to take another bus to their hotel to drop off their things, then catch the Shibazakura bus that will get them to the festival. It’s a lot of traveling, but sharing an adventure makes up for all the time they spend in buses. They pass the time with quiet conversation, pointing out things they see on the ride (Soujiro may have gone on about how _gorgeous_ the mountains and fields and forest were for a while, but he’s not admitting anything), and playing games (Hajime cheers every time they take over another country in _Battle Cats_ , which is more fun than Soujiro expected).

The early morning haze of sleepiness is long gone and the sun is out bright by the time they leave the main highways and turn off onto the road to Mount Fuji. The bus bumps gently against the well traveled road, but it’s enough to send Soujiro and Hajime crashing against each other. They don’t bother moving away, even when they’re pressed close together, thigh against thigh, with elbows hitting ribs.

Soujiro hooks his foot around Hajime’s non-injured ankle when Fuji stands proudly before them against the cheerful blue of the sky, and Hajime only presses closer to him.

It’s not so hard to think that Hajime feels the same way then, but Soujiro shies away from the thought with a sort of hopeful anxiety that feels both sweet and terrible all at once.

When they finally arrive, they wait for everyone else to exit the bus before leaving themselves, then Hajime’s grabbing Soujiro’s hand and pulling him along as he ran to the next bus stop with breathless excitement.

Soujiro laughs. “Slow down!” He pulls them to a slower pace, but still has to rush to keep up with Hajime. “Are you sure you should be running with your foot still in a boot?” he asks when they join others in waiting for the bus.

“Yeah, I’m perfectly fine!” Hajime answers cheerfully. “I’m pretty much healed already, but I have to wear it until school starts again just in case.”

“Don’t push yourself then. We have all day, there’s no rush.”

“That won’t change how excited I am.”

Soujiro regards him carefully, then nudges him with his shoulder. “Why are you so excited about this?” he asks, curious.

Hajime shrugs. “I just enjoy spending time with you and I’ve never actually been to Fuji before. I’m really looking forward to seeing everything with you.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re my favorite person.”

He says it so casually, like it was an everyday fact of life and not a statement that had Soujiro choking on his own heart with his cheeks going red with satisfaction.

“You’re my favorite person too,” he mumbles back, looking away in embarrassment. He’s never been one for sharing deeper emotions with others, and he wants to do nothing more than hide. But Hajime leans against his side and hooks their pinkies together; it feels like a promise, though what the promise _is_ still isn’t clear.

The bus arrives a few moments later and they fall into their seats, dropping their bags to their feet. Soujiro spends the twenty minutes it takes to get to their hotel staring out the window and painting Fuji in his mind. Hajime is quiet besides him, but smiling when Soujiro glances at him. Their eyes meet for a split second, then they’re quickly looking away.

They stand at the edge of something so vast they can’t yet comprehend it; it feels just as terrifying as it does exhilarating. Only one of them has to jump to push them into something new.

For now, their feet stay on the ground. They’re not quite ready to fly just yet.

Soujiro hopes they will be one day.

 _Hopefully soon,_ his mind whispers.

 _Shut up,_ Soujiro thinks back, _There’s no point in rushing._

He still hooks a foot around Hajime’s ankle again. Hajime presses closer and Soujiro wants this moment to last forever. It doesn’t, of course. The bus eventually rolls to a slow stop and they get off, looking down the street to where the hotel stands.

It’s a small place, and old too; but it’s got plenty of rooms and an onsen, so it would be perfect for a two-night stay.

They share a glance, then swing their bags over their shoulders and begin making their way down the road. Soujiro watches as Hajime idly kicks rocks off the road as they walk. He considers warning him against it in fear of hurting his foot, but Hajime knows what he can handle, so Soujiro keeps quiet.

It’s just after 8 when they arrive to check in and put their bags in their room. The hotel is mostly empty, with only a few employees wandering around in search of work. Some guests eat breakfast in the buffet, still moving with sleep slowing their limbs, when Soujiro and Hajime pass by to get to the elevator, room keys in hand.

They get a nice room on the third floor with tatami on the far side, holding a little coffee table. Two beds are pushed against the wall, creating as much room as possible, and a glass door with soft blue curtains that opened to a small balcony. Soujiro immediately tosses his bag onto the bed closest to the windows, a habit made from vacationing with the twins. Hajime laughs at the underlying competitiveness in Soujiro’s actions and throws his bag onto the remaining bed.

The sun is warm and the soft breeze is cool against his cheeks as Soujiro leaves the hotel besides Hajime. It’s still early and quiet, though everything is beginning to wake up, from the birds to the people. The bus to the Fujizakura isn’t crowded, and the flower fields themselves are only sparsely dotted with people.

Soujiro can’t help himself when he runs forwards to the entrance, gasping in delight at the hues of purple and pink that covered the entire park surround Mount Fuji. From behind him, Hajime laughs as he hurries to catch up.

He spins to face Hajime, unable to stop the wide grin on his face, and grabs his arm to pull him closer. “Look!” he laughs, pointing out to the fields. “It’s so pretty I think I’m going to cry.”

Hajime himself is gaping at the sight, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. “That’s…” he begins, but trails off, unable to find the right words.

“I know,” Soujiro says. _“I know.”_

“Well, let’s go then!” Hajime hooks his arm around Soujiro’s to keep him close and unable to get away as he pulls them down on the of the many pathways. “Let’s see as much as we can before it gets too crowded. Then we can check out the rest of Fuji.”

It’s easy to get to places quickly with the lack of crowds, and it makes it the viewing even better. Thousands of small flowers in pink, purple, and white are roped off in grassy areas where they’re planted to form patterns. Soujiro takes pictures for inspiration, already brainstorming new ideas for his pieces with flower petals, excitedly explaining them to Hajime with excessive use of hand gestures.

Hajime listens happily, asking questions and offering suggestions. He points out the sound of the wind in the large pine trees and the distant image of Mount Fuji, slightly faded against the bright of the sky. He talks about mimicking what he hears on his drums, using everything he has (baachi, taiko, body) to recreate the day through music.

Soujiro listens with wide eyes, openly marveling at Hajime’s art, so different from his own but just as beautiful.

They, of course, take a few dozen selfies; good ones, silly ones, one with Soujiro sticking his tongue out or posing so he can send them to the twins later just to make them jealous. Hajime is more than happy to play along.

They wander for nearly two hours when they decide to head to the path full of street vendors in search of something to eat. It’s more crowded now, and the sun is high and burning in the sky but the elevation on Fuji keeps them cool enough to enjoy it.

They weave in between people for a while, scanning stalls for one that sounded promising. They pass by stalls selling yakisoba, udon, taiyaki, small cakes and cookies, but can’t agree on one to buy from. There’s a small stall that catches Hajime’s eyes, though, hidden by throngs of people and the banners of the surrounding stalls. Without allowing any time for an argument, Hajime pulls Soujiro’s sleeve and drags him along as he pushes through the crowd.

“What?” Soujiro asks, bemused, as he frees himself from Hajime’s grip. “Have you finally found something?”

“Don’t act as if you aren’t any pickier than I am,” he shoots back, then answers, “They’re selling mochi ice cream.”

“Isn’t it a little early?”

“It’s never too early for mochi ice cream.”

Soujiro raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t deny it. “You’re paying.”

“Fair enough,” Hajime shrugs, and pulls his wallet from his pocket. “What do you want?”

 “Uhh…” Soujiro takes a moment to look over the menu, which is just a laminated piece of paper with the different flavors written in sharpie. “Strawberry?”

“Two strawberry, please.” Hajime flashes a winning smile, pulling out the 500 yen it costs as the vendor pulls out little folded plates to hold the rather large mochi. They pass what they need to each other, then Hajime is elbowing people out of his way with the plates held high in either hand. Soujiro follows until they manage to find a place near the flowers that’s not so crowded.

Hajime is quick to hand Soujiro his plate so that he can bite into his mochi, humming in delight. Soujiro laughs, and gently picks up the mochi. It sticks to his fingers and the rice powder falls when he lifts it. The ice cream is cold enough to make him flinch when he bites into it, but the overwhelming taste of strawberry makes the cold worth it.

They hurry to eat the mochi, as the ice cream threatens to fall out of the mochi, which twists and shifts under the pressure of their fingers.

Soujiro can’t quite keep his eyes off of Hajime when he’s licking off the mochi and rice powder that sticks to his fingers, and looks away to hide his blush.

“See?” Hajime crows when he’s done, “It’s never too early for mochi ice cream!”

“Hmm… I don’t know,” Soujiro says, pretending to think about it.

Hajime hits his arm. “I didn’t hear you complaining when you ate it.”

“That’s because I didn’t have to pay for it.”

“You told me to pay for them!”

Soujiro smiles proudly. “Yes, I did. It all worked out well.”

“Except for me,” Hajime pouts. Soujiro laughs and hits him back.

“I didn’t hear you complaining when you ate it,” he says teasingly, throwing Hajime’s words back at him. He flushes in a way that’s all too endearing to Soujiro, who has to set them back on track before he does something dumb, like kiss him.

They leave the main area and head to the smaller gardens that hold anemones and grape hyacinths in colorful clusters. Hajime holds the edge of Soujiro’s jacket to keep from losing him in the steadily growing crowds. The crowds thin out when they reach the bus heading towards the five lakes, and they hop on just before it leaves. They walk barefoot in the edge of the lakes, splashing each other and showing off cool rocks they find.

By noon, they’re starving and head to the restaurant for lunch, rather than trying to fight the crowds and wait two hours for a seat at the one restaurant at the Shibazakura. Few people are at the hotel, so the food arrives fast, and they end up splitting their yakisoba and udon with each other.

Everything about this day has screamed _date_ to Soujiro. He’s almost too scared to hope it is in fear of crushing rejection, but a small part of his mind whispers _“What if?”_ until he’s wishing for enough courage to ask.

He doesn’t though, and his stomach keeps twisting in knots the rest of the day.

They wander around Fuji until the sun begins to set, and they have a quick dinner before they head to the onsens.

Hajime takes off his boot with a sigh of relief. Soujiro can sympathise, his own feet aching from the miles they walked. They grab the pajamas the hotel provides, old cotton yukatas, and walk barefoot across the lobby to the onsens where they quickly strip and shower so they can collapse into the hot water.

They both splash into the largest bath that looks out to Mount Fuji and lean against the edge, content.

The moon steadily rises in the sky and the stars glow brightly as they soak, letting the hot water relax their sore muscles and lull them into a comfortable haze. For a long time, only the sounds of running water and their breathing disturbs the air. Then, Hajime speaks, pulling Soujiro out of the sleepy haze he was in.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” he asks, biting back a yawn.

“I don’t know. Whatever you want to do, I guess. We already saw all the grounds at the Shibazakura Festival.”

“And the five lakes,” he adds.

Soujiro leans his head against his arms and closes his eyes, nearly nodding off. Hajime nudges him into awareness and smiles softly at him.

“Come on,” he says, “Let’s go. The baths are making us sleepy.”

Soujiro lets himself be pulled up and lead out of the onsen. They dry off and slip into their yukatas with slow movements, stumbling as they leave the onsens, laughing at each other. The tiredness leaves the more they walk, until Soujiro is wide awake and fine with waiting a few more hours to sleep.

Hajime seems to agree, and they wander the hotel until they find the door to the gardens in the back. It’s traditional, with raked rocks and stone lanterns, bamboo stalks and thin trees carrying paper lanterns that gave a soft light. It’s nice and reminds Soujiro of his grandparents’ old home just outside of Kyoto.

Maybe one day he could go back with Hajime.

Maybe one day they could go all over Japan, all over the world together. He would give anything to have that future.

They sit together on the edge of the porch that hangs over the rocks and a small pond with koi fish. It’s a warm sort of silence they’re in, together and comfortable enough that words aren’t needed. There’s no one he’d rather be with.

始め     始め   始め

He wants to give every feeling in his heart to Hajime, to let it all pour out like a flood and empty him. He remembers his mother saying, “ _Love is a thing best shared._ ” Hajime’s the only one he’s ever wanted to share so much love with.

He would have dried leaves, Soujiro decides, already creating paintings in his mind, mixing ink with the remains of blooming plants, leaves and petals of the shibazakuras. In the quiet of the night, Soujiro falls deeper.

His heartbeat pounds against the inside of his ear, drowning out all other sound. He wants to say it, wants to tell Hajime every thought he’s choked back and swallowed in fear of losing him.

He doesn’t really get the chance when Hajime breaks the silence.

“You’re the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met,” Hajime blurts out suddenly against the soft light of the lanterns. There’s a long moment of silence between them as they both process the words. Then, they’re blushing and refusing to look each other in the eyes.

“I mean--!”

“Thank you,” Soujiro says, cutting off Hajime’s words. “I -- no one’s ever said that about me.”

Hajime gapes at him for a moment in disbelief. Soujiro looks away and fidgets with the sleeves of his yukata.

“No way!” Hajime’s voice is loud, and while he’s not as flustered as before, his cheeks are still a pleasant red. “You must’ve gotten tons of compliments before! You’re too pretty to not be complemented!”

Soujiro can’t fight back the pleased smile that curves his lips up. “I haven’t,” he admits. “My work has, but no one really says anything about me.”

_“Lies.”_

“It’s true!” Soujiro shoves at Hajime, laughing.

Hajime brightens and points at him accusingly. “See! No way you haven’t been complimented with a laugh like that!”

“What about you then?” He shoots back, playful and full of life in a way he hasn’t felt before. “You must be showered in adorations all the time!”

“Nah,” Hajime’s response is quieter, and he leans back against his arms with a small smile. “I don’t really get ‘showered in adorations’, as you said. It’s mostly my taiko playing that people like, not me.”

Soujiro frowns. “Please,” he says, “As if you aren’t one of the most liked guys in the school.”

“Sure I might be liked by people because I’m friendly, but I’m not liked enough to actually _be_ friends with people.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. The movement is smooth and the sight of Hajime with his hair pushed back leaves Soujiro momentarily distracted.

“People like me and talk to me, but I’m not really close to anyone. They’ll hang out with me, but only because I’m there, never because they want to spend time with me. I’m a filler friend, someone you spend time with then you don’t want to be alone, but someone you’re not close to at all.”

There’s a hollow sort of sadness that dulls his eyes as he looks out at the garden. Soujiro is stunned frozen, watching the smile fall from Hajime’s face and turn to tired acceptance.

He lies back and looks up at the night sky, and Soujiro thinks for a moment how he’s just like one of the stars above their heads: beautiful and bright, but alone and separated from others.

“I’m not important enough to be anybody’s first choice,” Hajime says, barely louder than a whisper. “I’m always the second, fifth, ninth choice, but never the first.”Soujiro acts without thinking and smacks the top of Hajime’s head. He ignores Hajime’s immediate “Ow!” and pout as he moves to sit closer to him. Soujiro glares, disbelief and anger boiling in his blood, furious that Hajime even began to think that he wasn’t important enough to be a first choice when he’s the best part of Soujiro’s life.

“Now you listen here,” he starts, pulling Hajime closer, “You have and always will be my first choice no matter what because you matter more to me than you could even begin to believe, so don’t you _dare_ say that you’re just a substitute for something better when you're the best part of my day and the only one who’s made me look forward to waking up everyday.”

Hajime stares at him, shocked, with wide eyes. The silence stretches between them, and though Soujiro can feel himself blushing, he refuses to look away or let go.

For a terrifying moment, Soujiro is sure that Hajime is about to cry, but instead, is pulled into a tight hug. Hajime lets out a deep, shuddering breath against his shoulder and holds him tighter. Soujiro takes the opportunity to run his fingers through Hajime’s hair, feeling the soft strands slip through his fingers and feeling Hajime relax more and more until he's boneless against Soujiro.

This is the safest he’s ever felt. This is the first time he felt as though he was whole. This was what Hajime made him feel, and it's something he wouldn’t trade the world for.


	2. how it ends (hajime)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime heals, but they stick together. 
> 
> First loves are always sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR BUT YA GIRLS FINALLY DONE W THIS FIC  
> its... 13k words rip  
> also while writting this i got a ton of ideas for more fics to go w them and i am t h r i v i n g
> 
> anyways hover over the kanji for it's english translation!!

When they fall asleep that night, Hajime has to bite his lip to hold in a giddy smile. All his sadness was swept away by Soujiro’s words. Every chill he felt vanished under the warmth of Soujiro’s body. He didn’t deserve a friend so kind, so wonderful, but now that he had Soujiro, he was never going to let him go.

It’s selfish, sure, but Hajime always is with the things that matter to him.

Soujiro is, perhaps, the most important person in his life; the swell of happiness he felt every time he saw Soujiro keeps him close to his heart.

There’s nowhere else he’d be, really. Soujiro holds Hajime’s heart and he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

He falls asleep listening to the soft sounds of Soujiro’s breath, and leaves the stillness of the night for dreams of warmth.

Habit makes him wake up early, just barely dawn. The light outside the curtains is still a pale blue. The sun hasn’t risen over the horizon yet, and there’s a chill in the room that Hajime fights off by pulling the blankets around him tighter.

Soujiro sleeps peaceful on the bed across from his, one cheek pressed into the pillow and his arms lazily splayed out to his sides. Hajime peeks up at him and indulges in sleep-soft sight of Soujiro; the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest, the pale light casting shadows across his face, the small parting of his lips. He really is beautiful, Hajime thinks, and looks away when the sight flusters him too much.

Once he’s up, he can’t really fall asleep again, and rather than wait hours until Soujiro wakes up, Hajime lets him sleep another 20 minutes before deciding to wake him up. He tosses the covers off and shivers at the sudden chill that hits him, then gets up properly.

Soujiro sleeps on peacefully as Hajime stands above him, then grabs a handful of the covers carefully. With one fluid movement, he yanks the covers off.

"WAKE UP!" Hajime all but yells.

Soujiro whines and curls up against the sudden cold. He opens one eye to blearily glare at a grinning Hajime, and mumbles something into the pillow bitterly.

"C’mon, wake up," Hajime says gleefully, "We have things to do!"

"Nooo," Soujiro groans, and reaches a hand out to lazily swat at Hajime. "Lemme sleep," he mumbles, closing his eyes again.

Hajime, being the awful person he is when he’s bored, steals Soujiro’s pillow from under his head. He beats a quick retreat to his own bed when Soujiro sits up, glaring at Hajime through his tiredness. He gets up and stumbles to Hajime’s bed, reaching for his pillow.

"Give it _baaaaaaack_ ," he whines, pouting when Hajime holds it farther out of reach.

"What will you do if I don’t?"

Hajime expected sleepily mumbled threats or a weak punch. What he doesn’t expect is Soujiro collapsing onto him, shifting closer when Hajime falls onto his back and resting his head on Hajime’s shoulder.

"You’re my pillow now," he declares, and closes his eyes, shifting a bit to get comfortable. He lets out a slow breath and relaxes completely, nuzzling his cheek against Hajime’s shoulder. Which is just as cute as it is unfair. He can’t move now, not when Soujiro is so soft and peaceful, void of the excited energy he carried in him the day before.

Hajime resigns himself to his fate, and settles down into the bed, grabbing his phone to pass the time for another few hours. 7:30 would be a good time to wake Soujiro up again. He doesn’t think he can last longer than that, not with how hungry he gets.

Soujiro draws an arm up Hajime’s side and settles it across his waist. Something light warms Hajime from the depths of his heart. He looks down at Soujiro and runs his fingers through his hair; it’s _soft_ and makes Soujiro nuzzle closer, so he keeps going, falling into a simple rhythm that has him pulling Soujiro closer.

An article about Tao’s newest member catches his eyes, and everything else is forgotten as he skims through the article, picking out names and dates and locations. It’s his dream group: Tao is one of the best professional taiko groups in Japan, performing around the country and even internationally. Hajime would _die_ to get into Tao.

They have a show coming to Kofu in two months. Hajime immediately books tickets, hesitating only for a moment before buying two. If Soujiro didn’t want to come with him, he could probably bring Kouhai-chan to show her the wonders of taiko and also complain about Soujiro not going with him. She’s a good listener and lives for drama, she’d love it.

He’d rather have Soujiro with him, though. Hajime pushes the thought away. They had two months. That was plenty of time to ask Soujiro to accompany him to the show.

He scrolls to another article and spends the next hour catching up on news around Hokuto and the taiko community. He’s caught up in no time, and wonders if he could just wait until 7:30, but his fingers start drumming out different beats and patterns on Soujiro’s arm. As soothing as the motion is, it makes Soujiro’s brows scrunch up, though he stays asleep.

He moves his tapping fingers onto the bed, pressing into the mattress and counting out a rhythm in his head. After so long having to stay off his feet to make sure his broken toes healed, the urge to pick up his bacchi and lose himself to the thunder of the drums is almost overwhelming. Hajime sighs and presses his hand flat against the mattress.

It’s been a few weeks; the doctor he had seen told him the bone would heal in two to three weeks given that he rests and doesn’t do anything to aggravate the injury. The third week was coming to a close; surely he had healed by now.

Sucking in a breath, Hajime took a moment to mentally prepare himself, then curled his toes. The familiar twinge of pain no longer accompanied the movement. A grin immediately spreads on his face as he curls and uncurls his toes, reveling in the actions.

He could _move._

He could _walk_ now too.

There was an hour left until 7:30. Hajime gently shifts Soujiro off of him, throwing the covers over him when his brow furrows and he turns his face into his newly reclaimed pillow. After running a hand through Soujiro’s hair once more, brushing the strands out of his face and behind his ear, Hajime stands.

The pressure on his foot doesn’t cause any pain, and he just barely keeps from shouting his joy. He takes a step forward with a heavy limp, not yet used to walking without the boot and the added height it gave to his left foot. Grimacing, Hajime tries again and again until he’s made it across the room and back. The limp slowly eases away with each step until he feels mostly steady when he walks.

Still smiling, Hajime heads to the bathroom to prepare for the day, idly thinking of how Soujiro will react when he wakes up and sees Hajime walking with any aide.

He keeps shifting his weight between his feet as he washes his face and brushes his teeth. After so long in the boot and on crutches, to move with ease is a blessing from the gods themselves. It’s hard keeping the smile off his face, so he doesn’t bother and grins non-stop as he spits, rinses, and bounds out of the bathroom.

Soujiro is still asleep, so no one is there to watch Hajime as he spins and twirls around the room, dancing and moving as he longed to in those weeks of healing. Muscle memory has him going through the dance he was practicing when he broke his toes; he’s working with a small group to produce their own show, which involves music they wrote and dances they choreographed. This is one of the tamest; there’s no large taikos, or unusual bachi, just dancing around the drums and twirling the bachi.

Now that he can practice, Hajime’s going to practice with all he’s got. And that includes rebuilding his stamina and strength from the unexpected three-week break he took.

He changes into sweatpants and a light t-shirt. Soujiro sleeps on, peaceful and unaware of the world around him. For a moment, Hajime wonders if he should wake him, let him know that he’s going on a run. But Soujiro curls up tighter then relaxes into the mattress -- he looks almost like a cat that’s stretched out napping in the sun, and he can’t possibly wake him up now.

Hajime grabs his phone and sends Soujiro a quick LINE, explaining where he’s going if he’s gone when Soujiro wakes up. The familiar _ding!_ of the notification on Soujiro’s phone makes him wince, but it doesn’t disturb Soujiro at all.

“I’ll be back soon,” he whispers to Soujiro, then quietly shuts the door behind him and makes his way outside.

The quiet of the early morning keeps Hajime comfort as he runs. He loses himself in the steady rhythm of his feet hitting the ground and makes sure to pace himself. He has to take a break faster than he expected, but after three weeks without running, the time he’s able to run is pretty impressive. As Hajime rests at besides one of the five lakes, he takes a deep breath and looks out to the towering figure of Mount Fuji.

From the trees around him come the happy chirping of birds. From the lake comes the gentle sound of water against the shore. The wind brushes against the sweat cooling on the back of his neck.

Above him, the sky is blue with few puffy clouds lazily floating by. Above him, Mount Fuji stands tall and beautiful and Hajime feels that this moment is one of art, one that artists are constantly searching for to inspire them to put image to paper and immortalize the moment. It makes Hajime wish he had some talent in art. It makes him wish Soujiro was there with him.

He takes a picture instead, trying to capture everything: the mountain, the trees, the lake, the sky. It’s a gorgeous photo, though from no skill of his own. The sounds that accompany the sight are missing, though, as is the feeling of the sun and wind, but nothing’s perfect, so he’s happy with the photo anyways.

 

>Hajime: [img]

>Hajime: if you were awake you wouldn’t have missed this ;)

 

 For a moment, Hajime just stares at their chat room on LINE and smiles at their old messages. Then, besides his picture and message, pops up a little ‘ _Read’._ A line of three dots appears besides Soujiro’s last message, and Hajime finds himself grinning down at his phone as he waits for Soujiro to finish typing.

 

>Soujiro: WHY DIDNT YOU WAKE ME UP

 

>Hajime: :)

>Hajime: I did tho :)

 

>Soujiro: YOU DID A TERRIBLE JOB AT IT

>Soujiro: WHERE ARE YOU IM HEADING OVER RN

 

>Hajime: what no stay at the hotel im on my way back

>Hajime: Seriously stay there!!! I ran a long way!!

 

>Soujiro: YOU RAN WITH BROKEN TOES

 

>Hajime: They’re not broken i promise!!! They healed!!!

>Hajime: I’m at one of the five lakes but i’m headed back rn so DONT LEAVE

 

Laughing, Hajime tucks his phone back into his pocket, where he can already feel the vibrations of each LINE notification coming up. He takes one last look at the scene before him, then turns on his heel and begins his run back to the hotel.

In all honesty, he could run farther if he wanted to. But Soujiro was waiting for him, and that makes cutting any run short worth it.

The sun is well past the horizon by the time Hajime makes it off the trail and onto the road leading back to the hotel. He’s panting for breath and his lungs and legs ache with each step he takes, but he keeps pushing himself. The hotel slowly comes into view, and with it, a figure walking towards him, just down the road.

As he gets closer, Hajime can see that it’s Soujiro, scowling down at his phone and wrapped up in his jacket despite how the day is quickly warming up.

He wants to call out Soujiro’s name, but he’s having enough trouble getting any air into his lungs, so he holds off. It’s the sound of his feet hitting the ground that catches Soujiro’s attention instead, and he looks up from his phone as Hajime gets closer.

 _“You--”_ Soujiro hisses when Hajime stops in front of him, doubled over and panting for breath. Hajime can’t do much but nod. Soujiro got his face twisted up into a sour scowl, but he still grabs Hajime’s arm and helps him up.

“You-- you _asshole!_ ” he says, holding back a laugh in order to keep frowning.

Hajime gasps as his breathing finally begins to settle. “You cursed!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t such a dick!”

“Oh, please, you like my dick!”

Soujiro splutters, pretty face going red. His cheeks puff up and he’s still got a half-grin on his lips and all he can do is point at Hajime before looking away, blush going up to his ears. Hajime doesn’t quite realize what he said until his brain catches up with his mouth a few moments later and leave him just as red as Soujiro.

“No, wait, shit--” he waves his hands in the air, trying to wave his words out of the air, “I am _so_ sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I just opened my mouth and words came out-- _Oh my god_ \--”

Soujiro takes one look at Hajime’s face and doubles over laughing. If his laugh wasn’t so gorgeous, Hajime would have tried to make him stop and move on, hopefully to another prefecture so he could die in peace. But since his laugh is so nice that Hajime wants to listen to it forever, he just laughs along with him, and resolves to not look Soujiro in the eye for the rest of the school year.

As if to add onto his embarrassment, his stomach lets out a particularly loud growl. Hajime hides his face behind his hands as he listens to Soujiro’s laugh trickle off into small chuckles.

 _“Hajime,”_ he gasps out, voice weak from his laughter, “You’re too much, honestly. Come on, let’s go get some breakfast.”

He lowers his hands from his face just enough to peek at Soujiro from above his fingertips. His face still feels too hot, and is probably fire-hydrant red as well. Soujiro just looks faintly flushed, cheeks a pleasant pink and still smiling. His hair is down, tucked behind his ears and he looks like a model.

How unfair.

“Can you maybe forget any of this ever happened?” Hajime asks, finally dropping his hands to his sides.

“I’m gonna remember this for the rest of my life,” Soujiro promises and links their arms together. He smiles throughout their walk, arm in arm, back to the hotel. He presses himself close to Hajime’s side, and Hajime has to keep fighting back the urge to spontaneously combust.

It’s both a relief and a disappointment when they step into the lobby and make a beeline for the first open window table they find. Soujiro untangles himself from Hajime and sets his coat on the back of his chair to claim the table.

“What do you want to drink?” he asks, already grabbing a glass.

“Orange juice if they have it, water if they don’t.”

They part ways, Soujiro filling up their glasses and taking them to the table as Hajime grabs two bowls to get yogurt for both of them. It’s plain, with five different toppings to add to it, so he drizzles as much honey as he can into his bowl and tops it off with blueberries, then two huge spoonfuls of honey for Soujiro, who claims he doesn’t have a sweet tooth but still steals Hajime’s candy.

He sets the bowls back onto the table then heads back into the buffet to grab his breakfast. There’s a decent amount of people up, but not enough to crowd the place. There’s a soft murmur of sleep-soft voices surrounding him as the chefs make food on the spot, from omelets to pancakes to a full English breakfast. Hajime forgives the universe for his previous embarrassment because this more than makes up for it.

He might be a big fan of breakfast. Heavy emphasis on ‘might’.

Hajime grabs a plate and piles it high with fruits and pancakes and two chocolate croissants. On the other side of the counter, Soujiro meets his eye and smiles, reaching for his own pastries to balance on his plate.

For a moment, the rest of the world fades away and it’s just them, soft and smiling. And then the chef hands Soujiro a plate. He looks away and thanks the chef. Hajime, too, forces himself to leave and make his way back to their table before he drops his breakfast and cries in the middle of the buffet.

Not that he’s speaking from personal experience or anything.

His stomach feels like it’s trying to eat itself, so Hajime doesn’t wait for Soujiro to join him at their table before he starts digging in. The pancakes are ridiculously fluffy, the fruits fresh and sweet, and it makes him wish he could cook. He could learn, of course, but he’s more likely to set things on fire so it’s for the best that he doesn’t touch anything in the kitchen, ever. He looks out the window, over the empty tables on the balcony, and gazes up at Fuji and the dream-like haze it takes on in the early morning mists.

It’s then that Soujiro sits across from him, setting his plates on the table and reaching for his cup of tea.

“Hungry?” he asks, glancing down at Hajime’s mostly empty plate.

“At least I did something to make me hungry, you just slept all morning.”

“It’s the reason I’m prettier than you, so I’m not stopping any time soon,” Soujiro laughs, and Hajime can’t even fake a pout at that; it’s true, anyways, and Soujiro’s smile is very distracting.

With the amount that he’s eaten, Hajime feels sated enough to forego seconds. Instead, he takes slow sips of his orange juice and basks in the comfortable quiet.

He turns back to his plate to finish his breakfast a few minutes later after giving his stomach some time to settle after eating so much so fast (a lesson he’s had to learn when he was young), and picks up one of his chocolate croissants. It’s soft and flakey and there’s _so much chocolate holy shit._ Seven year old him would have killed someone for it. He would still be willing to kill someone for this croissant.

Soujiro makes a soft noise, and when Hajime looks at him, he’s eyeing the croissant in his hand.

“Any good?” he asks.

Grinning, Hajime holds out his second croissant. “Try for yourself.”

Soujiro doesn’t grab it. No, he leans over the table and bites into it and the surprise almost makes Hajime drop it. He doesn’t though, thankfully. Instead he gets to see Soujiro’s eyes go wide as he lifts a hand to his mouth.

“Oh my god,” he says, “That’s so much chocolate.”

“Right? Isn’t it great?” He drops the croissant onto Soujiro’s plate. “Have the rest.”

“Like I would ever say no to this,” he says and bites into it again with a pleased hum.

Hajime watches him eat, eyes the bit of chocolate on the corner of his mouth, listens to the soft murmur of conversation blanketing the room, the sound of the chefs cooking, and thinks, _‘I want to do this everyday.’_

 

* * *

 

 

“What should we do today?” he asks Soujiro as they step out of the hotel. “We’ve already seen all of the Shibazakura festival and walked to the Five Lakes.”

Soujiro hums thoughtfully, then pulls his phone out of his pocket. Hajime steps closer to peer at the screen as Soujiro taps through links and skims through the words too fast for Hajime to keep up.

“There’s a zoo, a nature museum, caves…” he trails off as he continues scrolling through whatever site he’s on. “Oh! There’s an amusement park. Fuji-Q Highland.”

Hajime pauses, causing Soujiro to bump into him. “Wait,” he says, “Seriously? We can go to an amusement park?”   

“Well, yeah. We have a full day ahead of us and we already saw what we came here for. We can do whatever today.”

“Dude,” Hajime breathes, eyes lighting up, “Why would I ever say no to an amusement park?”

Soujiro smiles and looks back down at his phone. He taps through a few links, then reads through the amusement park’s website. “All day passes aren’t too expensive right now,” he says, then casually buys them like it’s no big deal.

“What-- Hey wait, I can pay for mine!”

“Too late I bought it. Looks like you have to find another way to repay me!” Hajime can see where the twins get their smug smirk from. He can also see how Soujiro’s related to them. So much for him being a goody two-shoes who’s always polite and kind to everyone; this devil could probably cause more chaos than the twins and never be caught.

Thank god Hajime’s on his good side.

“Here, come on,” Soujiro grabs Hajime’s arm and tugs him along to the bus stop. “It’ll be a two hour ride, but the place shouldn’t be crowded yet.”

It’s a thankfully short wait for the bus that carries only a few other passengers. Most got off to head to the festival and fill the flower fields, and Hajime’s thankful they get to leave the crowd behind for most of the day.

Sunshine streams in from the windows, throwing everything into soft colors. The steady rumble of the engine filled the space around them, lulling them both into a light doze. Hajime drums his fingers methodically against the seat, watching the world go by outside the window.

Still early morning, the hectic movement of day hasn’t yet hit. Outside the bus, everything is green and blue and beautifully alive; inside, Soujiro leans against Hajime and drops his head to rest on Hajime’s shoulder. He gently lays his hand on Hajime’s tapping fingers and flattens them down, then entwines their fingers together.

Something bright and warm bubbles up in his chest; it’s not the loud energy he gets playing taiko, or the feeling of invincibility when he runs, but something quieter that grows like a slowly kindled hearth.

A smile fixes itself on his face. In the reflection of the window, he watches Soujiro, with his face tucked against Hajime’s shoulder, gently draw his thumb over Hajime’s hand in small circles.

 _This is nice,_ he thinks, slumping against Soujiro, _I want this to last forever._

 _His smile,_ he thinks, _His laugh. His hand in mine. His sleepy eyes. Everything. I want it all to last forever._   

Soujiro lifts their joined hands and pulls their fingers apart. He traces the lines in Hajime’s palms, runs his fingers over the knuckles and trails his hand down to Hajime’s wrists.

“You have a lot of calluses,” he comments, idly running his thumb over one.

“I’m holding bachi for four hours straight when practicing,” Hajime says, “It’s bound to happen.”

Soujiro hums. “You have nice hands.”

“They’re bigger than yours.” The grin on his face only widens when Soujiro glares at him.

“It’s not a competition.”

“But I’m winning!”

Soujiro huffs and rolls his eyes, but leans a little more against Hajime anyways. “Your hands are good for taiko. My hands are better for holding a brush. God knows how messy working with ink would be if I had your giant hands.”

“You like them though.”

“I feel like you haven’t learned your lesson about saying what I like.”

Hajime promptly flushes and loses the conversation. Soujiro continues running his fingers over Hajime’s hand, a satisfied smirk on his lips. “The twins get it from me you know,” he says, “But even they can’t beat the master of wit.”

“Just you wait,” Hajime mutters, “Soon enough your rule as evil king will be over- _throne.”_

Soujiro pulls his hands away to cover his face. “Why are you like this,” he whines, and pulls back to knock Hajime’s shoulder enough to send him falling against the window.

Hajime laughs. “Please, you wouldn’t have me any other way.”

“You suck.” He glares at Hajime’s shit-eating grin and hisses, “ _Don’t you dare._ ”

He keeps quiet, but they both know what he was going to say anyways, so he feels like he won that one.

Scowling, Soujiro takes Hajime’s hand again and laces their fingers together. They relax against each other and fall into comfortable silence as they bask in each other’s presence.

In that moment, Hajime thinks that if he could have nothing else but this, he could die happy. He pulls Soujiro closer, and feels him hook a foot around his ankle, just as he did on the ride to Fuji.

 

* * *

 

 

Fuji-Q Highland is big and colorful and mostly empty. Hajime can see a few families watching over their children as they run around the park or tug their parents to one ride or the other. But the Fujizakura festival was ten times more busy, so Hajime doesn’t bother worrying about crowds or wait times.

Soujiro pulls him out the bus the moment they stop, getting off before any of the other passengers.

“I haven’t been here since I was nine,” he says, looking up at the roller coasters that stretch into the sky, “I always used to tease Hinata and Sosuke about how tiny they were, and how if they tried to ride the big kid rides they’d go to jail.”

“I can see why they always mess with you now, if this is what you did to them as kids.”

“They know what they did to deserve it.”

Hajime whistles. “Alright, ominous. I like it.”

It’s a dumb line, but Soujiro laughs anyways. “Come on,” he says, grabbing Hajime’s arm and pulling him forward, “Let’s go have fun.”

“Aye aye, captain,” Hajime salutes with his free hand and lets Soujiro drag up him to the entrance. Soujiro holds out his phone to the people at the ticket booth, and is given two cards on lanyards a moment later, then waved off with a smile.

Fuji-Q Highland is tucked up between high hills, but it’s huge and full of different rides. Just from the entrance, Hajime can seen roller coasters that go up high and are filled with loops and twists, little shops full if food and souvenirs, and booths with games, prizes lining the counters. It’s such a bright day, not a cloud in the sky, and the sunlight makes all the colors a little brighter. Soujiro’s hand is warm against his skin; it feels like the smile on his face is permanent, but it couldn’t be for better reasons.

The map of the park shows all the rides and shops, including restaurants, where Hajime is already planning on eating. Of course, they’d have to look through the menus of the three restaurants and then choose, but who knows how long that would take when they’re both so picky.

Rides fill the park, with a section squared off for the children’s rides. And on the other side of the park, _bungee jumping._

“Please,” Hajime says, pointing to the drawing on the map, “Let me jump.”

“You make it sound like you wanna jump of a building, which, same, but this is so not the place for it,” Soujiro replies, but still smiles. “Sounds fun though. We should do that before we get lunch.”

“Yes!” Hajime throws a fist in the air. “Let’s get started on some roller coasters then!”

This time, it’s Hajime that grabs Soujiro’s hand and pulls him along to the nearest ride. There’s no line at all, and the family ahead of them is already getting into the ride and pulling the bar down into their laps. Hajime leads Soujiro to the very front of the ride and slides into the cart. When Soujiro joins with a nervous glance to the landing behind him, Hajime grins and pulls down the bar, trapping him into his seat.

“Not scared, are ya?” he teases, and Soujiro scowls, looking away.

“I may have a slight fear of heights, but I can still kick your ass.”

“That’s the spirit!”

A horn blares, and the roller coaster begins to move. Immediately, Soujiro’s hands are on the bar in a white-knuckled grip. He swallows and hunches down a bit, eyes fixed on the top of the first drop.

Hajime feels a little bad when he sees the nervousness darkening Soujiro’s eyes, so he lays his hand on top of Soujiro’s and smiles when Soujiro looks at him.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna let you fall, so just have fun!”

There’s a thousand better things he could have said, he’s sure, but Soujiro smiles anyways. It’s a weak smile, but it’s better than nothing. Hajime intertwines their fingers and offers a comforting squeeze. For a moment, Soujiro relaxes, but then the roller coaster slows to a stop at the top of the first drop. In the first cart, they go slightly over the edge, hanging down enough to see how far away the ground is.

Soujiro pales and Hajime squeezes his hand a little tighter.

They both scream when they go down, but with the wind whipping through their hair and the way their stomachs flip as they go through the loops turns their screams into breathless laughter.

Soujiro is still giddy with adrenaline when they get off, grinning and gripping onto Hajime’s shoulder to shake him.

“That was amazing!” he all but yells, and Hajime laughs as he guides Soujiro to the next ride.

“Man, this is the perfect place for you,” Hajime says, then bodily pushes him into the next ride.

Fuji-Q Highland gradually becomes more crowded as the day goes by. By noon, there are 20 minute wait lines for all the rides and even more people wandering the park with bright smiles and brighter eyes. Luckily, they’ve ridden most of the roller coasters by then -- Hajime never choosing to sit in the front after the first one -- so the growing number of people isn’t much of a bother.

And if the crowds give Hajime an excuse to hold Soujiro’s hand? Well, who’s going to call him out on it?

Only when it’s nearly one in the afternoon does Soujiro suggest they grab lunch, a hand over his stomach as it growls up a storm.

Hajime grins. “Sure,” he says, “But you said we could go bungee jumping first.”

“What’s this ‘we’ business?” Soujiro retorts, “I’m not jumping but you can go if you really want to.”

“What! No! You have to jump with me!” Hajime stops and pulls Soujiro in front of him to grab his shoulders. “It’s no fun if it’s just me!”

“I can handle heights on roller coaster because I’m strapped into something, but I doubt I’m going to be okay actively choosing to jump from a great height!’

Hajime deflates, then pulls away. “Sorry,” he says, “I really shouldn’t have pushed you. You can wait while I jump and get cool pictures of me.”

Soujiro relaxes and reaches for Hajime’s hand to lace their fingers together. “It’s fine, I know you’re just excited. So have fun while I take a picture that’ll make it look like I’m about to eat you as you fall from the sky.”

“Oh, you know you’d like to--”

“ _Seriously?_ Do you ever learn from your mistakes?”

Hajime grins and shakes his head. “Nope! But what did you expect from me? I’m a fool who never stops being foolish.”

“That’s for sure.”

Soujiro presses himself against Hajime’s side as they weave their way through the crowds; he really should be paying attention to where he’s going, but Hajime’s attention is stolen away by the warmth at his side and the softness of Soujiro’s hand. His mind goes fuzzy, blurring the details together into something dream-like.

The crowds thin out into nothingness as they get closer to the bungee jump. Neither of them move away, even when there’s no need to hold hands anymore. There’s no reason to excuse their actions and turn it into something else, so Hajime decides to Not Think About It and enjoy the moment while it lasts.

Only when they stand in front of the bungee jump does Soujiro move away, but not without squeezing Hajime’s hand.

“Go!” he says, shooing Hajime into the building to sign whatever forms he needed before he jumped, “Have fun!”

“Make sure you get my good side!” Hajime calls back.

He walks into the small building, where an employee greets him with a smile. She briefly explains what he’ll be doing if he wants to jump, and hands over a clipboard full of forms to sign, including one confirming that he’s seventeen or older. She hands him a harness too, that she helps him put on. Through the window, Hajime can see Soujiro on his phone, no doubt texting the twins, and waves when he looks up.

“Is your boyfriend not coming with you?” the employee asks, leading the way up the tower. Hajime feels his heart stutter in his chest at her question and his cheeks flush.

“Uh, no,” he says, awkward and shy, “He’s afraid of heights.”

“I see,” she says, “Well, I hope you two have fun together in the rest of the park then!”

“Thanks.”

Hajime wants to pull his hair out and scream; no doubt she saw them walking hand in hand up to the building. Saying that they weren’t dating would make them both awkward, while just answering her question would only make Hajime awkward. So obviously confirming that Soujiro’s his boyfriend is the lesser of two evils.

Besides, it’s not the worst thing someone could think.

Hajime’s hit by the sudden realization that he _wants_ to date Soujiro, is maybe even falling in love with him, at the top of the tower.

 _Well,_ he thinks, looking to the ground and the small spec that is Soujiro, _Jumping isn't quite the same as falling but the metaphor works either way._

And so, with the cord attached to his harness and the all clear to go, Hajime jumps; the feeling of weightlessness as he falls through the open air isn’t so different from what he feels when he sees Soujiro.

The cord pulls him back and he bounces a bit before slowly coming to a stop. As he’s lowered to the ground, the image of Soujiro gets clearer: there, on the ground, looking up with him smiling with a phone in one hand, waving with the other.

It’s a universe-changing revelation, but Hajime doesn’t feel any different with his feet on the ground. It makes him think that, maybe, this has been a long time coming. That maybe it wasn’t so much a jump or a fall, but a steady walk into love.

 

* * *

 

 

Hajime stretches out on his bed with a groan. “I’m so _tired_ ,” he whines, face half turned against his pillow. On the couch, Soujiro alternates between watching TV and scrolling through whatever’s on his phone.

“Aren’t you super fit? How has today tired you out, I’m sure we did more walking yesterday.”

“Yesterday was slow and we got to take our time everywhere. Today was speeding through everything to ride every roller coaster there twice.” Hajime rolls onto his side so he can face Soujiro. “Besides, I just healed from broken toes and got out of the boot, I’m not used to doing so much anymore.”

“Wimp.”

“ _Wow_ , okay, rude.”

“Anyways, come here and look at the pictures I took today,” Soujiro pats the space on the couch besides him.

Hajime groans and rolls onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes. “Don’t wanna,” he whines, “I’m too weak and tired to move.”

There’s a rustling sound of some movement, then Soujiro says, “Fine, you big baby, I’ll come to you.”

Sure enough, a moment later Soujiro is crashing onto the bed besides Hajime. He shifts until he’s lying curled on his side, knees drawing up towards his chest, and his head resting on Hajime’s chest.

Hajime hopes the rapid beating of his heart isn’t too obvious.

Soujiro holds his phone away enough that they can both see the screen easily. He swipes through some of the photos he took throughout the day -- their dinner at the hotel, the blue sky and green landscape from the top of the ferris wheel, Hajime smiling at the camera holding an ice cream cone, their lunch of burgers -- to Hajime dangling in the sky. The next picture is of Soujiro, he head tilted up with his tongue out, and a small Hajime falling from the sky towards his tongue.

“I gotta admit,” he says, “That’s a really good picture. How the hell did you manage to take that?”

“What can I say, I’m just that good,” Soujiro replies, smug, and goes to the next picture.

Hajime jumping, Hajime at the top of the tower looking down towards the camera, Hajime walking up the endless stairs that took him to the top; a part of him is stupidly proud to take up so much space is Soujiro’s phone gallery, and he can’t help but smile.

“Here,” Soujiro says, handing him the phone, “I took a bunch of picture of yesterday too, if you want to see them.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? My arm is tired from holding it up so long.”

It’s such a small thing, Soujiro trusting Hajime with his phone, but his heart still swells and he wonders at the possibility of something more happening between them.

But those are dangerous thoughts, especially with Soujiro literally on him, so he shoves them aside and starts going through Soujiro’s pictures.

The entrance of Fuji-Q Highland is the last picture of their last day in Fuji. Next comes the lakes and forests and Shibazakura festival, the endless fields of colorful flowers. There are selfies with just Soujiro, flashing a peace sign or sticking his tongue out, and some with the two of them, smiling and framing the flowers or Fuji. And then there are more and more picture of Hajime; standing before a lake, looking up at Mt. Fuji’s peak, lying in the grass when they took a break, biting into his taiyaki, smiling and happy.

The most pictures he sees, the more his face flushes. It’s so much more than what Hajime was expecting. He bites his lip the hold off a giddy smile, but is only half successful.

“Hey Soujiro?” he whispers, unable to tear his gaze from a candid picture of himself walking to a food stall. There’s no answer, so he risks looking down and sees Soujiro, curled up and asleep, breathing peacefully with his head on Hajime’s chest.

 _Oh god, don’t do this to me now,_ Hajime thinks desperately, _Show some mercy._

Slowly, Hajime slides out from under Soujiro’s head, freezing every time Soujiro shifted. It’s a slow process, and Hajime holds his breath to be quiet, and manages to gently lay Soujiro’s head onto the mattress. He plugs Soujiro’s phone into its charger and pulls back the blankets on the other bed.

He, of course, entertains the idea of sharing a bed with Soujiro, but his heart threatens to burst out of his chest at the images his mind comes up with so he chooses to go the safer route of moving Soujiro to his own bed.

The TV buzzes with noise in the background, filling the silence with laughter and voices talking over each other. Hajime pulls the curtains close and double checks to make sure the door to their room is locked.

Then he finally turns his attention back to Soujiro and tries to figure out the best way to pick him up and dump him into the other bed without waking him up. Hajime hovers above him, holding his arms out and moving back and forth as he thinks of how to lift him.

“Screw it,” he mutters, then goes in without letting hesitation stop him again. He easily slips an arm under Soujiro’s knees and his shoulders, and it’s even easier to lift him when Soujiro’s so light.

The cotton yukata he wears is loose, and when Hajime lifts him, the fabric falls open over his legs.

Hajime looks away and prays.

Carefully keeping his eyes off Soujiro, Hajime carries him to the other bed and gently lays him down. He pulls the covers over him, and it’s only then that Soujiro stirs.

“Mmm,” he mumbles, blinking his eyes open, “Hajime?”

His voice is rough with sleep and barely louder than a whisper. The sound of it makes Hajime smile.

“Hey,” he whispers back, “Go back to sleep, it’s late.” With how soft Soujiro looks in that moment, Hajime can’t resist the urge to gently lay his hand on his cheek, brushing his thumb against the skin below his eyes. Soujiro nuzzles into the palm of his hand and Hajime takes a moment to thank not only God, but also Jesus and whatever gods call Fuji home.

“Mmkay, night.” Soujiro lets his eyes fall shut again and relaxes against the pillow. Within moments, his breathing is slow and steady again.

Hajime’s heart goes soft and warm, filled with light, and he can’t help but brush Soujiro’s hair behind his ear.

“Goodnight,” he whispers, then stands and turns off the TV and the lights.

It’s been a nice day. He’s sad that’s it’s over. He’s sad that his time in Fuji with Soujiro is almost over.

Sleep evades him for a while, but soon he drifts off in the silence and dreams of nothing but blue skies.

 

* * *

 

 

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: [img]

>Soujiro: Thanks for taking me out to Fuji!!

 

>Hajime: im really glad you said yes when i asked!!

>Hajime: im gonna tattoo those pics onto my  s o u l

 

>Soujiro: Hajime  n o

 

>Hajime: hajime  Y E S

>Hajime: but fr it was super fun!! we gotta do something like that again

 

>Soujiro: If you think of something let me know!

>Soujiro: you did your holiday hw though right?

 

>Hajime: aah so that’s what i was forgetting

 

>Soujiro: HAJIME NO

 

* * *

 

 

When he walks into school after the break is over, Hajime is hit by the sudden realization that he will graduate in a few months and never be here again. All the people here, the students, the teachers, Kouhai-chan; all the classrooms and clubs and school events and festivals; all the stress and laughter; all of it will be over soon and he’ll never get it back.

It’s with this in mind that when Soujiro sits besides him for lunch, outside under the shade of a blossoming tree, that Hajime says, “We’re done with high school in a few months.”

Soujiro pauses with his bento half unpacked in his lap. “Oh,” he says, “That’s true. I still feel like a first year, honestly.”

“Next month we’re gonna have to be starting college applications and studying for entrance exams.”

“Don’t remind me,” Soujiro groans, “I have no idea where I want to go!”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to get into any university you want.”

Soujiro sighs. “It’s just-- I’m not sure what I want to do with my life.”

Hajime passes over half of his korokke. “Are you going to continue with calligraphy and art?”

He shrugs and bites into the korokke, looking at the horizon with clouded eyes. “I don’t know,” he confesses, “I don’t know what I want to study or what job I want to have or if I even want to continue calligraphy. It’s easy now because there’s nothing else I have to really focus on.”

“You’re a legend in the calligraphy community, I doubt they’re gonna let you go so easily. Besides, you can still do that while studying something that’s not related to art.”

“Maybe. What about you? What are you planning to do after graduation?”

Hajime slumps over when Soujiro turns the question onto him. “I definitely want to continue taiko. Join a professional group. Or even make my own. But I don’t know if I want to go to university or what I’ll study if I do.”

“Well,” Soujiro says, holding up a bottle of green tea from one of the vending machines around school, “You’ll do great in whatever it is you want to do. And I’ll be there to support you every step of the way.”

It’s such a simple statement, said without any thought, that Hajime flushes. “You want to be with me even after graduation?”

“Uh, duh?” Soujiro frowns at him. “You’re my best friend, obviously I’m going to be a part of your life until we die.”

His heart flutters, the beat of a nervous bird, too fast but warming nonetheless. Hajime doesn’t know how Soujiro can just say things like that so easily and to have it mean nothing more than friendship. “Aww,” he says, trying to distract from his blush, “How romantic of you.”

“More romantic than you, in any case.”

“Is that a challenge I hear?”

Soujiro grins, boyish and playful and nothing like the pristine image of polite tradition he’s built up around him. “Only if you think you’re up for it.”

“You asking me to sweep you off your feet? Woo you? _Romance_ you?” Hajime’s heart beats painfully in his chest and teasing Soujiro like this is killing him, but not as much as knowing that doing anything else will seem odd enough to make Soujiro worry about him. Which is not an option, so Hajime has to play along and try to act like he’s not flirting.

Never has he wanted to bury himself in a hole so badly.

“Are you asking permission?” Soujiro leans in closer, eyes falling half closed and dark. “Without even knowing if you’re my type?”

“Well, what is your type? Your ideal partner?”

“A cyclops,” Soujiro answers with no hesitation.

Hajime blinks. “Um. What?”

Soujiro stretches his legs out in front of him, and takes another bite of the korokke, taking his time to answer as Hajime still works on processing what he just heard.

“A cyclops,” Soujiro repeats, “One eyed giant? Super strong farmers living a good life, willing to kill anything that bothers me.”

Hajime shakes his head and turns back to his bento. “Not the answer I was expecting, to be honest.”

“And what’s your ideal partner?”

There’s no way he can beat Soujiro’s answer, but he can still do something unexpected. Since it’s turned into a competition on who can come up with the best answers to normal questions. He knows exactly what to say.

“Someone rich. Like, could buy an island rich.”

Soujiro raises an eyebrow and innocently asks, “Hajime, are you trying to become a sugar baby?”

“Oh, no,” Hajime grins, “I plan on marrying rich and then having my partner die a tragic death, leaving me a grieving widow who inherits all the wealth.”

“So, not a sugar baby but a killer. Cool.”

“We were talking about university,” Hajime says, “How did we get so off topic.”

Soujiro shrugs. “We still have some time before we have to worry about that. Let’s just enough the time we have now and leave everything else for our future selves to deal with.”

He agrees with the sentiment, despite knowing that his future self is going to hate him for it, so Hajime begins to eat again to finish before the lunch period is over.

The conversation keeps replaying in his mind, a constant loop of Soujiro grinning, cat-like and sly as he leans closer, his voice low as he says, _“Only if you’re up for it.”_

Hajime is just barely able to keep his cool, waving to Soujiro before ducking into his classroom a few minutes before the late bell goes off. And as soon as he sits down, Hajime lays his head on his desk and tries not to scream about how much he wants to kiss Soujiro. Or just trying not to scream in general.

It’s a long class.

It’s a long day.

And all he can think about is Soujiro; there are worse ways to be in love.

 

* * *

 

 

Hajime eases himself back into practice. He doesn’t jump straight back into the intense five hour sessions that he’s used to, no matter how much he wants to. Instead, he gets used to jogging three miles in the morning and three more at night. He gets used to pushing himself until his body nearly collapses beneath him. He builds up his stamina and strength and finally, _finally_ picks up his bacchi.

The first beat resonates in his heart. It vibrates in his ribcage and the echo rings in his ears as he raises his arm and hits the taiko again.

It’s only an hour, but to feel the music pulse through him again feels like coming home.

The taiko echoes over and over again in his head; it reminds him of when he was a kid and saw a taiko performance for the first time at a New Year’s festival. All the magic and wonder is back.

Hajime won’t admit it, but for some time he’s been lost and uninspired. Taiko lost its hold on him and it just became something that ate up his time. But to leave it behind for so long felt like missing a limb, and the passion is back.

To be glad for breaking his toes is a strange thing, but it let him rest and find his love of taiko again. All those days in pain and slowed down gave him Soujiro; that itself is worth more than anything in the world.

“You there?” Soujiro asks, tapping a finger against Hajime’s forehead. “You were miles away for a minute. Something on your mind?”

Hajime grins and bats his hand away. “Just thinking about your pretty face,” he teases, and a thrill goes through him at the sight of Soujiro’s pink cheeks.

“Not surprising,” he mutters, “When you only get to see your ugly mug every day.”

“Man, who knew you’d be so mean?” Hajime whines, leaning his weight against Soujiro suddenly enough to make him lose his balance.

“When you annoyed me enough.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

Above them, the wind whips through the trees, causing the leaves to rustle. Soujiro tips his head back and sighs, a soft smile curling on his lips.

“I love that sound,” he says, closing his eyes.

He’s a picture perfect sight like that: leaning back against the table, eyes closed and his head tilted up to expose the long line of his throat, the peaceful expression on his face, turned soft and warm under dappled sunlight. Hajime can’t help but stare, but anyone would.

If there’s one thing he loves more than taiko, it’s this: the easy companionship between them, with warm hearts that latch onto every beautiful thing the world has to offer.

The park they’re in has a large garden, but tucked away in a corner behind tall bushes and bamboo is a little courtyard, tiled with mosaics of flowers with fairy lights strung above circular stone tables. The spring still brings cool winds through the leaves, but the approaching summer layers on humidity more and more each day.

He found this place by accident, when he walked through the gardens one night after finishing his run. The barely visible lights caught his attention, and he found a small path through the bushes and walls of bamboo that led him to his new favorite place.

And judging by how often Soujiro drags him over there after school, it’s his too.

“If I could be anything in the world,” Soujiro says, tilting his head back a little more, “I’d be a tree.”

Hajime grins at the wistful tone his voice takes on. “Any specific type of tree?”

“No. Just a tall one. One with a lot of leaves and branches that could offer shade to people on sunny days.”

Hajime can feel his heart melt at Soujiro’s words, his expression, his _everything_. “I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you,” slips out of his mouth, and Hajime feels a wave of cold reality slam down on him.

He didn’t mean to say that.

He was just thinking that, and a thousand other things -- taiko, music, art, Soujiro, sunshine -- and in the ease of the moment, it slipped out.

For a moment, the world goes still. Then Soujiro opens his eyes and turns to face Hajime, surprised with flushed cheeks. He parts his lips a little, as though to say something, and Hajime can’t help but glance down at the motion. Immediately, Soujiro presses his lips into a tight line and looks away.

He hunches into himself and brings up a hand to hide his slow growing smile. “I refuse to believe that when it comes from you,” he says.

“What? Why?”

“Because, idiot, _you’re_ the most perfect person I’ve ever met and I still don’t understand why you choose to stick with me.”

Hajime groans and falls to the side to dramatically collapse onto the stone seat. “You’re killing me, man. Have some mercy!”

Soujiro smacks his shoulder, finally able to face him and not hide his face behind his hands, and laughs at Hajime. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You love it though!”

“Sometimes I really wonder why. This is definitely one of them.”

 

* * *

 

 

The words echo around his head. Even hours later, when Soujiro is gone and no doubt asleep (Hajime’s a little scared to check the time, but that’s a problem for later), he replays the conversation over and over again in his head.

His heart tells him that it’s clear that Soujiro feel _something_ for him, while his head warns him that it’s just wistful thinking and not worth pursuing in case he lose Soujiro as a friend.

He doesn’t want to lose Soujiro.

With a great sigh, Hajime rolls over onto his stomach and buries his face into his pillow.

_You love it though!_

_Sometimes I really wonder why._

No denial, and though it was a joke, the fact that Soujiro implied that he does love some part of Hajime sends a horde of butterflies into his stomach. It was a joke, but Hajime can’t bite back his grin and kicks his feet, desperately trying to get rid of some of the giddy energy that overtakes him.

 _‘I love you,’_ he thinks. _‘I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.’_

_‘I hope you love me back.’_

 

* * *

 

 

“What.”

There’s really nothing else he can say after Hinata grabs him and pulls him into the cafe, where Sousuke waits at a table in a back corner. Hajime has never really talked to them much, even after all the time he’s spent with Soujiro, and knowing their reputation, he can’t help but be suspicious that they’re up to something.

And it probably has to do with him and Soujiro.

Hinata forcefully sits him down -- how is someone who does _traditional tea ceremonies_ so strong?!

Across from him, Sousuke regards him thoughtfully, then gives a soft smile that’s about as reassuring as a shark’s grin. Hinata sits besides his twin, leaning back and looking far too satisfied with himself.

“Uh,” Hajime starts, eloquently, “Why am I here?”

“We wanted to get to know the guy our cousin has been spending all his time with!” Sousuke says cheerfully, as though this really is just a get together.

"Shouldn’t Soujiro be here?” Hajime asks, glancing around the cafe nervously.

“No. And we know this is the one day in the week that you don’t spend time with Soujiro immediately after school.”

“Why do you know that?”

Hinata waves away his concern. “Soujiro talks about you a lot. It’s not hard to pick up on things.”

“Uh.”

Kouhai-chan approaches them at that moment, with her usual bright smile and head-in-the-clouds attitude. “Hi guys!” she says, “What can I get you today?”

“The usual tea for me, please,” Hinata says, “And some chocolate cake.”

“Same for me, please,” Sousuke adds on.

Kouhai-chan writes down their order, then turns to Hajime, oblivious to his nervousness.

“The same, I guess? But a strawberry shortcake instead of chocolate.”

“Oh!” Sousuke says, reaching out to grab Kouhai-chan’s wrist before she can move away to work on their orders. “We’re going to have our _conversation_ now, so…” he trails off, and she nods understandingly.

“Of course,” she says, “I’ll  make sure you aren’t interrupted.”

Great. Kouhai-chan’s in on it too.

Hajime is positive he’s going to be murdered in a few hours by the twins. Or maybe Kouhai-chan will poison his order by request of the twins to get him away from Soujiro. For some reason.

It doesn’t make sense, but Hajime’s never been one for logic anyways, so whatever.

“So what’s this about?” Hajime asks.

Hinata and Sousuke look at each other, clearly saying _something_ without words, then turn back to him.

“We’re tired of this,” Sousuke says.

“Like, really tired,” Hinata adds, “The two of you are so stupid it physically hurts us to see it.”

“ _Wow_ , okay I don’t know what it is that I’ve done, but that is just _rude_ \--”

Hinata snorts, then says, incredulously, “You don’t know?! Dude, you’re so obvious--”

“Maybe, but it’s not obvious to me!” Hajime shoots back, leaning forward to lay his hands against the table.

“You love him,” Sousuke states, as bored as ever, cutting through the barely started argument. The certainty with which he says the words makes Hajime freeze, then panic as he tries to figure out a way to play it off.

“You mean like platonically? Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

Sousuke blinks at him, clearly forcing back a sigh. Which, rude. Hajime’s a delight to be around, he has teachers and parents to back up the claim.

Sousuke stands, then goes around the table to stand next to Hajime. “You love Soujiro _romantically,_ ” he tries again, slamming his hands down onto Hajime’s shoulders.

Hajime laughs nervously. “What? No I don’t. He’s just my best friend, I don’t love him romantically. It’s not like I want to wake up with him everyday and make him smile and laugh all the time.”

“You’re whipped, man,” Hinata laughs.

Hajime groans and drops his head into his hands. “I really am,” he admits mournfully. “I’m gonna die.”

“That’s a bit over-dramatic.”

“Coming from you?” Hajime lifts his head to raise a judgemental eyebrow at Sousuke.

He shrugs. “Point.”

“Anyways, we brought you here to tell you to do something about it, because watching you pine over Soujiro is actually painful,” Hinata says, then waves over Kouhai-chan, who is somehow able to balance their entire order with one hand.

They all take their tea and food with a polite smile and thanks, and she quickly leaves them to attend to the other students in the cafe. They take a moment to drink their tea and soothe their throats, then go back into the conversation.

Or, rather, Sousuke and Hinata do as Hajime tries to ignore them in favor of his cake.

It’s delicious cake. This is why he usually orders it when he goes to the cafe, which hasn’t been for a while considering how much time he spends with Soujiro, especially now that they have the courtyard in the park to go to.

It’s a little embarrassing how fast his thoughts go back to Soujiro.

Maybe the twins have a point.

“So, Hajime,” Sousuke says, drawing him back into the conversation, “Are you going to do anything with your feelings for our cousin?”

“Probably not?”

“Well, why not? It’s not like you have a lot to lose by confessing!” Hinata says, almost offended by Hajime’s hesitant answer.

“I do have a lot to lose!”

“Like what?”

“ _Soujiro!_ ”

In the silence that follows, Hajime can feel his face heating up, no doubt becoming a visible red, under the wide eyed stares of the twins. Sousuke puts his cup down gently, but the sound of the china hitting the table makes Hajime flinch.

He opens his mouth to say something, and Hajime tense, preparing for the worst, but all Sousuke is able to say is, “Huh.”

“Well,” Hinata says, looking down into his empty tea cup, thoughtfully drumming his fingers on the table, “If that’s how you really feel, then I guess we don’t need to threaten you.”

“Threaten me?”

The twins shrug at the same time. “To make sure you don’t break his heart.”

“I would _never!_ Not intentionally!”

Sousuke rolls his eyes and stands, shouldering his bag. “Well, we know that _now,_ ” he says. “Don’t worry, things will work out. And if you don’t do it on your own, we will make you.”

He leaves without another word, waving Kouhai-chan goodbye. Hinata follows just a second later, after throwing Hajime a cheerful wink.

Hajime stays a few minutes more, processing the conversation. And when he leaves, his first thought is to talk to Soujiro about the weird afternoon he had with the twins. But the thought of accidentally blurting out his feelings over a phone call because he’s talking about that conversation convinces him not too, so Hajime settles for going home to run, then practice a song on the biggest taiko drum he has.

Everything else can wait.

 

* * *

 

 

It was easier before, when he could push those thoughts out of his mind, never think about acting on them, never worry about ruining the friendship between them. But now Hajime can’t stop thinking about it, and if he thought he was ruined before, then now he’s nothing about scattered pieces of someone who lost all their gravity and fell apart.

Soujiro smiles and ducks his head. Hajime wants to reach out and tuck his air behind his ear, reveal those beautifully expressive eyes.

Soujiro laughs, and Hajime wants to swallow the sound down and keep it tucked safely against his heart.

Soujiro leans in close to whisper something, and Hajime wants to close the distance between them and feel what it’s like to become whole.

Hajime wants so much, but his head and heart war between _wistful thinking_ and _take the risk_ until he’s forever stuck at the stalemate where he wants but does nothing. The world spins as it always has, the days pass as they always do, and Hajime holds all his love back and believes that friendship is enough.

Friendship is all he wants.

Even if he spends many nights awake wondering if that’s what Soujiro wants too.

It’s so hard now, but Hajime wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

* * *

 

 

“I have a thing this weekend, so I won’t have time to do anything fun,” Soujiro says as they walk to the park’s courtyard on a sunny Friday afternoon.

“So we’ll just have to wait until Monday to see each other in person again?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Hajime sighs, rolling his shoulders back and tilting his head up to feel the cool breeze better. “That sucks.”

“It’ll pass by quick, though,” Soujiro says, reassuringly patting his arm.

“I hope so, I don’t know how I’ll live without you.” The flirting is so obvious it’s killing him, but the thrill that comes with saying it is addicting. Hajime can barely focus past the thunderous beating of his heart, but Soujiro’s always been good at stealing his attention away.

“You’ll be fine, you big baby,” Soujiro laughs, then grabs Hajime’s wrist to pull him through the bamboo, into the courtyard, and past the table where they usually sit to the green grass at the edge of the tile. He pulls Hajime down with him as he sits between the roots of the tree that towers over them and spreads its branches out over the courtyard.

Once Hajime is seated and settled on the ground, Soujiro lowers himself down to rest his head on Hajime’s thigh.

Though it makes him blush, it feels natural to do this. Hajime doesn’t let himself think twice, or even hesitate, to run his fingers through Soujiro’s hair. Everything always feels easy and natural between them, and Hajime wonders how he could feel this strongly for anyone but Soujiro.

“I’m glad we met,” he says, voice soft.

Soujiro shifts enough to look up at him; his eyes are bright and his expression is so warm and happy that Hajime can’t look away.

“I’m glad we met too,” he says, “I don’t know who I’d be without you.”

Hajime runs his fingers through Soujiro’s hair once more, then reaches down and lays his hand against Soujiro’s cheek. His heart threatens to burst out of his chest when Soujiro nuzzles against his palm, and all the worries and wants go quiet in his head.

In the absence of noise, all that’s left is a feeling of contentment that is warmer than any summer sunshine.

Soujiro gently takes Hajime’s hand in his and guides it to rest against his chest, above his heart.

The sun is warm, the air is humid with the promise of summer. The breeze is cool and gently against their skin. And sitting in the soft grass, beneath the tree, together, it’s enough to send them into a comfortable doze that lapses into sleep.

And when they wake up, rested and laughing at each other, the quiet stays with Hajime, stops his thoughts from rushing around and making his restless. He waves Soujiro goodbye, and they walk home alone.

His hand is still warm, and his steady heartbeat echoes Soujiro’s.

He wants to be honest to Soujiro, he decides. He wants to confess his true feelings, how much love he holds in his heart for Soujiro, but the words fall flat in the face of the depth of his emotions. No words can truly carry the weight of his heart, and Hajime wants the words to be a honest reflection of everything he feels.

But he’s never been good with words, and this will be no different.

 

* * *

 

 

Hajime expected the weekend to be a slow one, similar to those before he became friends with Soujiro: homework and taiko and solitude.

What he didn’t expect was the twins kidnapping him.

Well, less kidnapping and more, “Get in the car if you want to see Soujiro,” and Hajime immediately throwing himself into the car.

The things he does for love.

“So where are we going?” Hajime asks, after the car begins to drive away from his house. He always forgets how rich they are; the twins have their own chauffeur. No doubt Soujiro does as well. He can’t help but feel he doesn’t belong in the same car as them, much less the same space, especially when he’s in a t-shirt and the twins are in formal kimonos, dark and with delicate patterns of leaves and flowers, with a hakama and haori over it.

“To Soujiro,” Sousuke repeats, attention on his phone.

“We have to be fast or people will notice that we’re missing,” Hinata adds on, adjusting his hakama. “We would have called ahead and told you to dress up, but I think this whole casual look really emphasizes the fact that you came with us in a rush. It’s more romantic.”

Hajime freezes, then panics. “Wait, what do you mean romantic?!”

“Well,” Sousuke drawls, “We were going to leave you alone for a little while longer, but we decided you needed to see this, like, _now._ ”

His words don’t make Hajime feel any better, so he decides to focus on the city going by outside the car and feel extremely underdressed.

The twins whisper to each other, occasionally glancing at Hajime which doesn’t make him feel any better, and type rapidly on their phones. Their plan must have been really last minute, since they never look nervous about one of their schemes. Hajime can’t remember a time where either of them ever looked nervous, now that he thought about it.

He drums his fingers against his thigh, foot tapping nervously, and wonders what is was that the twins saw that make them escape from wherever they were to get him.

Something with Soujiro, obviously, but what could he be doing that’s so formal?

Worrying doesn’t make him feel any better, but it helps the time pass on the ride over.

They eventually pull into the filled parking lot of a art gallery, with signs at the entrance they passed by too quickly for Hajime to read. Some people, all dressed rather formally but not as traditionally as the twins, walk to the entrance. Whatever event is being held, it seems popular.

The car is barely stopped when Hinata is opening the door and pulling Hajime out with him. Sousuke follows, and though his deadpan expression rarely ever changes, he looks almost excited.

Hajime follows them up into the gallery, but at the entrance, Hinata hands him to Sousuke, and tells Hajime, “I have to go, but Sousuke isn’t doing anything this time around, so he can show you where to go. And you better not blow this!”

He leaves before Hajime can reply, but there really isn’t anything he could have said. Hinata rushes off down a hallway, nodding to people as he passes, and disappears from sight. Sousuke guides Hajime in, easily navigating the crowd of small talking people, who look disapproving of Hajime’s attire but leave him be. It’s only when they get to the main exhibit hall does Hajime get to read the sign for the event: _Calligraphy Exhibition by Tageru Soujiro_.

That makes sense.

What doesn’t make sense is why Soujiro didn’t tell him about it, so he could go, or why the twins had to sneak out and drive him over for the exhibition.

“Go ahead,” Sousuke says, “He’s just a little further in.”

Hajime goes. He weaves his way between people, following the crowd, searching for Soujiro.

And _there._

His calligraphy, all beautiful brush strokes and pressed flowers, lined up on the wall. And in front of them, Soujiro, in a black montsuki, hair pulled back in that familiar ponytail, smiling politely as he answers questions.

Hajime slows down, then stops completely, just far enough that he doesn’t come under Soujiro’s attention.

The calligraphy--

His heart stops.

 

温暖     心     幸せ     感謝 恋人     陽光      愛   

始め

 

    _Collection: First Love_

 

Hajime almost doesn’t want to believe it. To see his name, written so clearly, surrounded by the pressed flower petals they got from the Shibazakura festival, is almost too much. His name, written at the center, above the other frames, tying the collection together.

His name, that Soujiro chose to write.

His name, that Soujiro associates with first love.

The smile grows without him knowing; all this time, wondering if he was imagining things or if there really was something between them, sleepless nights thinking about Soujiro’s laugh, all leading up to this.

No romance novel could even come close to comparing.

Hajime steps closer. The conversation between Soujiro and the guest ends, and finally, Soujiro sees him. His eyes, always so expressive, go wide. His cheeks flush with color and he opens his mouth around voiceless words.

But he doesn't leave. He doesn’t look away.

The world around them fades into nothing but background noise. For a moment, it’s just the two of them, together, as they always are.

“Hey,” Hajime breathes out, still smiling, and Soujiro is finally smiling back.

“Hey,” he says, voice breathless and the sound of it makes Hajime’s heart soar.

There’s nothing else to say. They simply stand, smiling, and the wonder in Soujiro’s eyes is no doubt reflected in Hajime’s.

 _‘I love you, I love you, I love you,’_ his heart beats out, but the words stay locked in his chest, too heavy to be spoken just yet.

Soujiro fidgets, then ducks his head down as he says, “About this…”

Someone bumps into Hajime’s shoulder, jostling him. The world comes back, and he remembers how packed the place is, how many people are waiting to speak to Soujiro.

When Hajime looks back to Soujiro, his hands are twisting nervously. It’s with gentleness that Hajime stills them, and carefully wraps his fingers around one of Soujiro’s wrists, enough to feel how fast his pulse is under his skin.

Just as they feel the same love, they feel the same fear. Hajime had forgotten in the euphoria of the moment, and the reminder brings both comfort and sympathy to his heart.

“Come find me outside once you’re done, I’ll wait for you,” he says, then leans forward to whisper, “Don’t worry, you’re my first love too.”

He leaves Soujiro flustered and unable to stop the grin and the disbelieving laugh that bubbles out of him. Even when another person takes Hajime’s place to talk to Soujiro, the smile doesn’t recede.

Sousuke meets him at the door to the gallery and slaps his arm.

“How’d it go?”

“I’m so glad you brought me here,” Hajime answers, and that’s enough to leave Sousuke proud and satisfied.

“I’m going to go help Hinata with the tea. You can come with, or just hang out here.”

“I think I’ll stay.”

Sousuke leaves with another pat on Hajime’s shoulder, his step a little faster, no doubt going to tell Hinata everything.

That’s fine though; Hajime feels like shouting to the world that the boy he loves, loves him back. There really is no greater feeling.

Even though the wait is long, stretching into hours, Hajime waits, still giddy with the knowledge that there is something between them that’s more than friendship. The world is brighter: the blue of the sky is almost blinding, the clouds overlapping in promise of rain, the flowers blooming alongside the building are colorful and healthy.

And Hajime is in love.

Soujiro steps out at last, two hours later, but it feels like no time has passed at all. He sits down on the steps leading up to the gallery besides Hajime, careful not to get his montsuki dirty, and worries his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Is it true?” Hajime asks before the silence can stretch into something neither of them have the courage to break.

Soujiro nods once, slowly, then exhales. “I’m most honest in my artwork. Everything you saw was me, laid bare. It’s all true.”

“I’m really your first love?” he whispers with awe, and it’s enough to make Soujiro smile.

“You are. How could I know you and not love you?”

Without thinking, Hajime reaches up and carefully lays his hand against Soujiro’s jaw; he’s reminded of that day in the park, when they fell asleep, so comfortable together. This time, he has the courage to ask, “Can I kiss you?”

Soujiro reaches up and grips Hajime’s wrist. “Please, kiss me.”

So he does.

And it feels like falling in love all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you couldnt see the translations for the kanji, here they are:
> 
> 温暖: warmth, ondan  
> 心: heart, kokoro  
> 幸せ: happiness, siawase  
> 感謝: thanks, gratitude, kansha  
> 恋人: lover, sweetheart, koibito  
> 陽光: sunshine, youkou  
> 愛: love, ai  
> 始め: beginning, to begin, hajime


End file.
